Many Offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishments. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle these problems

#offenders #crimes #first #punishments #measures

Today

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

crime is increasing dramatically.

Unfortunately

Add a comma

Unfortunately,

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a number of individuals are

occurring

Verb problem

committing

show examples

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

after their punishment.

This

is a serious

problem

but steps can be taken to tackle the

problem

. In my opinion, there are some main reasons for

this

problem

Firstly

today’

Change noun form

today’s

show examples

people

want to be successful

with

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show examples

easy ways.

This

desire leads

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apply

show examples

humans to commit

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

. They know that it is just a dream, but, they do it several times.

Secondly

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

also

create

possibility

Add an article

the possibility

a possibility

show examples

for humans to do illegal activities. There are

not

Correct your spelling

show examples

severe punishments for crimes. Because of

this

people

Verb problem

are

show examples

not

scare

Replace the word

scared

show examples

to be

Change the verb form

being

show examples

penalized.

Finally

, some of the criminals

to be

Change the verb form

are

show examples

forced to commit crimes. Because everything is not inexpensive and it is not easy to purchase some useful items. They might be foodstuffs, clothes, medicines or other valuable things.

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

it is not

very

Correct article usage

a very

show examples

essential

problem

. Because there are several solutions

for

Change preposition

show examples

this

problem

. At

first,

a group of well-known

people

have to teach

Change preposition

apply

show examples

other

people

about how to achieve

successful

Add an article

a successful

show examples

life and help them to start

new

Add an article

a new

show examples

way of life. The other solutions are depending on

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

. They must

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

set clear rules and measures. Even put into practice

death

Correct article usage

a death

show examples

sentence. Another duty of

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

is that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they should expand

workplace

Correct article usage

the workplace

show examples

. They have to create factories which is

eco- friendly

Correct your spelling

eco-friendly

show examples

and supply

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

employment

all

Change preposition

for all

show examples

joblesses

Correct your spelling

jobless

. In conclusion, if

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

and celebrities help other

people

to begin

bright

Correct article usage

a bright

show examples

lifestyle, these problems be tackled.

Submitted by omondavlat91 on Wed Feb 14 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve the logical structure of your essay, try presenting your ideas in a more organized manner. Begin with a clear topic sentence for each paragraph, followed by evidence and examples that directly support your main idea. This will help your essay flow more logically from one point to the next.

coherence cohesion

Ensure your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion. While your essay has these components, focus on making your introduction more engaging and your conclusion more decisive. The introduction should clearly state the topic and your main argument, and the conclusion should summarize your key points and restate your stance in a powerful way.

coherence cohesion

To bolster the support for your main points, include more specific and detailed examples. Draw from real-life scenarios, studies, or statistics that clearly illustrate the issues you're discussing. This will make your arguments more convincing and give your essay greater depth.

task achievement

For a higher task achievement score, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Make sure to clearly explain why offenders commit more crimes after serving punishments and offer detailed measures for tackling these issues. Expand on each idea with more precise arguments and examples.

task achievement

Incorporate clearer and more comprehensive ideas by developing each point more thoroughly. Rather than presenting many points briefly, concentrate on a few key ideas and explore them in depth. This will demonstrate a stronger understanding of the topic and make your essay more compelling.

task achievement

Using relevant and specific examples is crucial for illustrating your points vividly. Try to incorporate examples that are directly related to the reasons offenders commit more crimes after serving punishments, and the specific measures that can be taken to prevent this. This will make your essay more persuasive and credible.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

245 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many Offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishments. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle these problems

Fully explain your ideas

Many countries spend a lot of money in art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both arguments and give your opinion

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new railway lines for veey fast trains between cities. Other believes the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative trend?

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

Write about the following topic. The internet has vastly increased our access to information. To what extent do you think this is a good thing? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.