IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development?

#universities #offer #courses #internet #people #study #development
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It is true that people are becoming more and more able to attend online
university
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 courses in order to study from
home
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.
While
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 there are some drawbacks to online education, I would argue that the benefits far outweigh them. There are several reasons why I would argue that studying from
home
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 is a negative progress.
Firstly
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, lack of communication between
students
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, compared to when they are present in a class, may damage the level of their knowledge and
also
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 their social skills.
Secondly
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, there might be various interruptions during the class, like poor connection especially in developing countries, or smartphone distractions and different kinds of noises available at
home
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.
Finally
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, the quality of education could suffer
due to
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 a lack of face-to-face or direct interaction between the teacher and the
course
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 participants.
For example
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, I remember taking some
university
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 subjects during the coronavirus pandemic, in which most of the
students
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 failed to pass the
course
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. Despite the negatives mentioned above, I believe that
university
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 education using the Internet is a positive development for different reasons.
Initially
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, by enrolling in an online
university
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course
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, there would be no need to commute in traffic congestion every time the class is going to be held.
This
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 could save time, and
then
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 spend on the same
course
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 to make a deeper understanding.
Also
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 in countries like Iran, in which the air is polluted most days of the year, staying at
home
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 would be much healthier rather than driving in a rush hour through car exhaust. Another reason is that
students
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 could be able to cover the material at their own pace.
Lastly
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, online
university
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 courses are available for
students
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 around the world, regardless of where they live. In conclusion,
while
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 I recognize the possible disadvantages of online learning, I consider it to be a positive growth.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a good practice. However, the logical flow between ideas can be improved by making stronger linkages between paragraphs. Consider using more connectors and transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Task Achievement
You've managed to address the topic and offer arguments for both sides, which shows an understanding of the task. However, there's a contradiction in your introduction stating the benefits outweigh drawbacks, but then arguing it's a negative development. To provide a clearer response, ensure your stance is consistent throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better cohesion, try to develop your paragraphs around a single main idea. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main point, followed by supporting sentences that provide details or examples.
Task Achievement
In terms of task achievement, including more detailed, specific examples to illustrate your points will help. For instance, instead of generally stating 'most of the students failed to pass the course,' offer specific reasons or data that highlight how online learning contributed to this outcome.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distance learning
  • Flexible schedule
  • Virtual classroom
  • Digital resources
  • E-learning platforms
  • Asynchronous learning
  • Synchronous learning
  • Cost-effective
  • Self-paced study
  • Technical difficulties
  • Blended learning
  • Online modules
  • Remote access
  • Student engagement
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