Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What could be the reason for this trend, and what can be dome to reverse it?
It is true that the physical
health
of Use synonyms
people
in many Use synonyms
well developed
countries has declined, even though Add a hyphen
well-developed
Use synonyms
health care
systems Correct your spelling
healthcare
has
experienced a huge Correct subject-verb agreement
have
impovment
. There are some underlying reasons and some solutions for Correct your spelling
improvement
this
notion.
Poor Linking Words
health
of developed societies Use synonyms
have
some reasons which are crucial. Change the verb form
has
Firstly
, nowadays most of the modern Linking Words
people
’s Use synonyms
pereference
is a job Correct your spelling
preference
that is
not involved in physical activity, so they would like to have a sedentary Linking Words
life style
. Correct your spelling
lifestyle
Secondly
, by doing Linking Words
a
regular exercise Correct article usage
apply
people
would be able to stay fit and healthy. Use synonyms
However
, in public there are a few Linking Words
people
who are doing sports in their daily routine. Use synonyms
Finally
, Linking Words
diat
is a crucial factor for Correct your spelling
diet
stay
healthy. Wrong verb form
staying
For instance
, a person who is physically active with poor Linking Words
diat
is prone to Correct your spelling
diet
variety
of diseases.
There are some measures that can be taken into account to tackle Add an article
a variety
this
issue or prevent it properly. If governments put more interesting and Linking Words
encouring
programs Correct your spelling
encouraging
on
Change preposition
in
schools
curricula, pupils will get used to having exercise in their routine, so Change the noun form
school
overall
the nation’s physical Linking Words
health
will be improved day by day. Use synonyms
In addition
, there are very means which are useful for Linking Words
encouring
individuals to have physical activity. Governments can encourage Correct your spelling
encouraging
people
by providing facilities, advertising prevention in mass media, and Use synonyms
legislate
Wrong verb form
legislating
for providing
enough free time Change preposition
to provide
to have
physical activity.
In conclusion, I believe Verb problem
for
fall
in the average Correct article usage
a fall
of
Change preposition
apply
pubic
Correct your spelling
public
health
in industrial countries Use synonyms
inspite
of improving healthcare systems, has reasons like: Correct your spelling
in spite
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
life style
, lack of Correct your spelling
lifestyle
doing
exercise, and Unnecessary verb
apply
unhealthy
food regime. Correct article usage
an unhealthy
However
, it is resolvable by manipulating Linking Words
schools
Change noun form
schools'
school's
curriculum
, providing more facilities, and Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
people
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
their
governments.Correct pronoun usage
apply
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task achievement
To improve your task response, ensure that you fully address all parts of the task prompt. Offer clear and comprehensive explanations for the reasons behind the trend and detailed, well-explained suggestions for reversing it. Incorporating more specific examples and statistics could make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Improve your essay's coherence and cohesion by organizing your ideas more logically. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations. Transition words can help to connect sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example