Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What could be the reason for this trend, and what can be dome to reverse it?

It is true that the physical
health
of
people
in many
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
show examples
countries has declined, even though
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
systems
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
experienced a huge
impovment
Correct your spelling
improvement
. There are some underlying reasons and some solutions for
this
notion. Poor
health
of developed societies
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
some reasons which are crucial.
Firstly
, nowadays most of the modern
people
’s
pereference
Correct your spelling
preference
is a job
that is
not involved in physical activity, so they would like to have a sedentary
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
Secondly
, by doing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular exercise
people
would be able to stay fit and healthy.
However
, in public there are a few
people
who are doing sports in their daily routine.
Finally
,
diat
Correct your spelling
diet
is a crucial factor for
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
healthy.
For instance
, a person who is physically active with poor
diat
Correct your spelling
diet
is prone to
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
of diseases. There are some measures that can be taken into account to tackle
this
issue or prevent it properly. If governments put more interesting and
encouring
Correct your spelling
encouraging
programs
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
schools
Change the noun form
school
show examples
curricula, pupils will get used to having exercise in their routine, so
overall
the nation’s physical
health
will be improved day by day.
In addition
, there are very means which are useful for
encouring
Correct your spelling
encouraging
individuals to have physical activity. Governments can encourage
people
by providing facilities, advertising prevention in mass media, and
legislate
Wrong verb form
legislating
show examples
for providing
Change preposition
to provide
show examples
enough free time
to have
Verb problem
for
show examples
physical activity. In conclusion, I believe
fall
Correct article usage
a fall
show examples
in the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pubic
Correct your spelling
public
show examples
health
in industrial countries
inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
of improving healthcare systems, has reasons like:
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, lack of
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise, and
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
food regime.
However
, it is resolvable by manipulating
schools
Change noun form
schools'
school's
show examples
curriculum
Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
show examples
, providing more facilities, and
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
people
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
governments.
Submitted by erfanamouie on

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task achievement
To improve your task response, ensure that you fully address all parts of the task prompt. Offer clear and comprehensive explanations for the reasons behind the trend and detailed, well-explained suggestions for reversing it. Incorporating more specific examples and statistics could make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Improve your essay's coherence and cohesion by organizing your ideas more logically. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations. Transition words can help to connect sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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