In some cultures, people often tell children that they could achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this advice?
The
advice
from parents
to their children
about working hard to achieve anything that they have been
planned has appeared as a culture in some Unnecessary verb
apply
society life
. Replace the word
societies
This
advice
has given
both positive and negative Verb problem
apply
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
to
Change preposition
on
youngster
. In Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
this
essay, the advantages and disadvantages of hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
advice
will be explained.
It is a common habit that eldery
people ask their Correct your spelling
elderly
children
to work
seriously in order to reach their dream
, and it works. Curently, we see that many success
startups that owned by people from low profile Replace the word
successful
background
, and the key Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
of
their success is working hard since their young. There is a story that comes from a Change preposition
to
millioner
from Indonesia, Correct your spelling
millionaire
Mr.
Chairul Tanjung, who starts his first Change the punctuation
Mr
busniess
at college as a Correct your spelling
business
copy writer
. The main Correct your spelling
copywriter
drives
Fix the agreement mistake
drive
of
opening a Change preposition
for
copy writting serving
was money Replace the word
writing service
for paying
his tuition fee, he Change preposition
to pay
should
Verb problem
had
work
hard to balance his time between work
and study. As time flies, he learned and transform
his first business into one of Wrong verb form
transformed
a
big magazine companies in Correct article usage
the
indonesia
called Tempo. Change the capitalization
Indonesia
This
is a prove of
Change preposition
that
hard-working
will be paid one day.
Replace the word
hard work
However
, There is
a Verb problem
apply
case
where Fix the agreement mistake
cases
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
parents
force their offsprings
to learn Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
a
stuff Remove the article
apply
that is
not into
them,and somehow Change preposition
to
parents
are hiding into
Change preposition
apply
advice
to be working
hard when their Wrong verb form
work
children
failled
at some test. Correct your spelling
fail
This
facts happen in most development
countries where some Replace the word
developed
youngstres
Correct your spelling
young
is
Change the verb form
is being stressed
is stressing
being
stress and overwhelmed to Wrong verb form
are
work
on their parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
desire
. They can not choose their own journey, they have asked to Correct subject-verb agreement
desires
work
hard to achieve something that actually they do not want. Moreover
, there is also
a case where offspring that grow in a family that has a prespective
where you can achieve anything unless you Correct your spelling
perspective
work
hard tend to use every ways
to make their dreams come true. They break Change to a singular noun
way
a
value of loyalty and sometimes Correct article usage
the
sacrified
other people around them.
Correct your spelling
sacrificed
sacrifice
To conclude
, i
will say that the culture Change the capitalization
I
to give
Change the verb form
gives
an
Remove the article
apply
advice
of
working hard as one of Change preposition
on
a
Correct article usage
the
way
to reach Fix the agreement mistake
ways
children
's dream
can Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
work
, but as parents
, they should understand their children
's true dream
and not Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
forcing
them into Wrong verb form
force
parent's
Correct pronoun usage
their parent's
dream
. Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
Moreover
, reminding their children
to put a
loyalty Correct article usage
apply
as
Change preposition
at
a
top of their personal Correct article usage
the
value
will keep them from bad Fix the agreement mistake
values
decision
as they Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
on
their way to Add a missing verb
are on
reach
their Wrong verb form
reaching
dream
.Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
Submitted by angelhorta313 on
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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure a clear thesis statement is present in the introduction to guide readers. This statement should outline the main points you plan to discuss.
Logical Structure
Transition smoothly between paragraphs by using cohesive devices such as conjunctions, transitional phrases, and topic sentences that clearly relate back to the thesis.
Supported Main Points
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. While you provided examples, more detailed analysis and explanation of how these support your argument would strengthen your essay.
Task Achievement
Fully address both advantages and disadvantages by developing each point with equal detail and depth. It seems your discussion on disadvantages is more developed than on advantages.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Clarify your ideas by organizing them into clear, distinct paragraphs, each addressing a single aspect of the question. Aim for a balance between discussing advantages and disadvantages.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Use specific, relevant examples to support your argument. You did well by including the story of Mr. Chairul Tanjung; consider adding more such examples to enrich your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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