IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, if people need to find work, they have to move away from their families and their friends. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is commonly believed that individuals have to migrate to other places and leave their hometowns for work purposes.
This
Linking Words
 trend is popular for some positive aspects;
however
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, these merits cannot outweigh the negatives. The first advantage is that living alone in other places without parents and friends can bring both economic and personal benefits. People often migrate to cities or other countries for better jobs with higher salaries.
This
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 means that they may have a more economically balanced life with a secure job, and
this
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 trend can be seen in a rise in migration cases to the US.
Furthermore
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,
choosing
Change preposition
by choosing
show examples
 to live independently in the absence of both parents and childhood friends, many people can enjoy more freedom in life,
such
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 as food to eat, a place to spend the night, or clothes to wear, without interference from their parents and friends.
On the other hand
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, the advantages are outweighed by the disadvantages. Homesickness and loneliness are popular trends right now when you move away from your country because these feelings resulting from living far away from home may destroy people’s enthusiasm and excitement in the workplace or perhaps lead to depression and suicide.
Moreover
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, they may
also
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 suffer from other diseases,
such
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 as obesity or being overweight, when living by themselves because they have no one staying around and
reminding
Wrong verb form
remind
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 them of regular healthy meals.
As a result
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, eating junk food or skipping meals may be their only choice.
Although
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 there are advantages,
such
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 as finding a good job and getting a high salary, the disadvantages of homesickness and poor well-being outweigh these advantages.

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task achievement
Ensure to clearly articulate your stance in the introduction. For example, stating 'I believe the disadvantages outweigh the advantages' at the end of the introduction can enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
In the body paragraphs, each point should be clearly connected back to the main argument. Consider using linking phrases or transition words to improve the connection between ideas.
task achievement
Including more specific examples would strengthen your argument. Instead of general statements about job benefits, consider mentioning specific professions or locations.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents a clear argument and logical flow of ideas, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You’ve appropriately recognized both sides of the argument, which is important for a balanced discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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