Some people think money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

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In today's world,
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

took
Wrong verb form
takes

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb took. Consider changing it.

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primary
Add an article
a primary

The noun phrase primary role seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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role in
human's
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human

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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life. Plenty of
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

argued
Wrong verb form
argue

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb argued. Consider changing it.

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that
money
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is the most important thing to bring
happiness
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, but others contend there are a lot of
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources

It seems that source may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of
happiness
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

out there. Personally, I think that
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is not
mandatory
Add an article
a mandatory

The noun phrase mandatory requirement seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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requirement
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

happieness
Correct your spelling
happiness

If you don’t want happieness to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and there is a large number of
beautitude
Correct your spelling
beatitude

If you don’t want beautitude to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

which we can get freely. I acknowledged that
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can be
tool
Correct article usage
a tool

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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or catalyst for our
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

happieness
Correct your spelling
happiness

If you don’t want happieness to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. We can get
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

happieness
Correct your spelling
happiness

If you don’t want happieness to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

with
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, either
buy
Wrong verb form
buying

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb buy. Consider changing it.

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our
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite

The spelling of favorite is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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stuff or
replace
Wrong verb form
replacing

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb replace. Consider changing it.

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our responsibility. Blessedness
appear
Change the verb form
appears

The plural verb appear does not appear to agree with the singular subject Blessedness. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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when we bough
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things

It seems that thing may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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we like and make a gift for someone we
loved
Wrong verb form
love

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb loved. Consider changing it.

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. With
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in our
pocket
Fix the agreement mistake
pockets

It seems that pocket may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, we can delegate other
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to replace our responsibility.
Money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

has
power
Correct article usage
the power

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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to
accelerated
Change the form of the verb
accelerate

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb accelerated. Consider changing it.

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our business
for instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

we can cut the
queque
Correct your spelling
queue
cheque

If you don’t want queque to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

through the
VIP's
Change noun form
VIP

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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line and pay the toll street.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a large number of stuff can not
pay
Wrong verb form
be paid for

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb pay. Consider changing it.

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with
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as health,
peacefullness
Correct your spelling
peacefulness

If you don’t want peacefullness to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, loneliness etc. As we
could
Wrong verb form
can

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb could. Consider changing it.

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see in the news, many rich
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

do suicide even
they
Correct word choice
though they

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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has
Change the verb form
have

It appears that the subject pronoun they and the verb has are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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a lot of
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in their bank account.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, plenty of individuals want to give all their
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun health in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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health
that
Correct word choice
and

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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most
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

get it freely. On
another side
Replace the word
the other hand

The word another side doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, I saw
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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many
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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poor
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

still happy in their bad situation.
Base
Wrong verb form
Based

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb Base. Consider changing it.

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on
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

condition, I can conclude that
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can provide or accelerate our
happiness
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

but it is not the only way of
happiness
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. There were
another source
Fix the agreement mistake
other sources

It seems that another source may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
of
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

happieness
Correct your spelling
happiness

If you don’t want happieness to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
healthy
Replace the word
health

The word healthy doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, family, and
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends

It seems that friend may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the primary source of
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

happieness
Correct your spelling
happiness

If you don’t want happieness to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

were
Change the verb form
was

The plural verb were does not appear to agree with the singular subject source. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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grateful
Correct article usage
the grateful

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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feeling of whatever our condition currently.

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Task Achievement
Be sure to directly answer the prompt in your introduction and more clearly restate your position in the conclusion for stronger task achievement. Explicitly mention all parts of the question to enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
Develop your examples with more detail and specificity to support your main points. This strengthens the argument and makes your essay more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure your essay with clear, distinct paragraphs for each main idea. Use transition words to improve flow and connections between your ideas. This enhances coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid repetition of words and ideas. Find synonyms and rephrase your arguments for variety and to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check your spelling, grammar, and punctuation carefully. Errors can detract from the clarity of your message and lower your score. Consider practicing specific aspects of English grammar where you notice frequent mistakes.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Promoting happiness
  • Essential factors
  • Financial stability
  • Material wealth
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Contentment
  • Basic needs
  • Maslow's hierarchy of needs
  • Social connections
  • Pursuing passions
  • Well-being
  • Mental health
  • Spiritual practices
  • Personal growth
  • Community service
  • Societal contribution
  • Philanthropy
  • Joy
  • Satisfaction
  • Prosperity
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