IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

it is important for people to take risks, both in their professionals lives and personal lives. do you think the advantagous of taking risk outweigh the disadvantagous.

#people #risks #professionals #lives #advantagous #risk #disadvantagous
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In
this
 modern era,the advancement in human life developed a lot but at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
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 the cost of living has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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risen
due to
 inflation which encourages some people to take risks in their professional and personal lives.I will discuss the pros and cons of
this
 trend with credible examples in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand,nowadays,the competition among humans climbed rapidly
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
 they are employed or running a business.
For example
, the increased number of trucks lowered the rate of loads in
trucking
Add an article
the trucking
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 industry,
thus
 the company owners are now taking risks like hauling illegal loads,over-sized or over-weight products or some even
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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drug
dealer
Fix the agreement mistake
dealers
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 to keep a business running
caused
Wrong verb form
causing
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 the crime rate
grow
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to grow
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 drastically.
Furthermore
,Sometimes employer
force
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forces
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 their employees to ignore
the
Correct article usage
apply
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safty
Correct your spelling
safety
 measures which is
also
 a form of taking
risk
 aid to increase the possibility of accidents
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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For instance
,the report from a private insurance company named
All State
Add a hyphen
All-State
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 shows that fifty-two
percent
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per cent
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 of accidents
happen
Correct pronoun usage
that happen
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 in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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 caused
due to
 ignorance
in
Change preposition
of
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safty
Correct your spelling
safety
 measures.
On the other hand
,the fight between large multinational companies
produce
Change the verb form
produces
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 a desire among them to capture more and more customers.They are achieving
this
 goal by decreasing the selling price of their products which directly benefits
to
Change preposition
apply
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consumers,
Also
 They are
also
 forced to make better products to stay in business.
Moreover
,The profession of traders is basically depends on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risk
 management,they will unable to make money without the proper use of
risk
. In conclusion,there are
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
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 of benefits from taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
proper management but still the disadvantages outcome advantages.
Lastly
,humans should avoid taking risks and follow a proper plan in their personal and professional lives.
Submitted by sandhuprabh090 on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and follow logically from the one before it.
linking
Use a wider range of linking words for coherence and to help guide the reader through your arguments. Examples include 'however', 'therefore', 'in contrast', and 'as a result'.
task response
Fully address the task by discussing both sides of the argument thoroughly and presenting a clear opinion in the conclusion. State whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or not.
examples
Support your main points with specific, relevant examples. While you have provided examples, aim for more detailed and especially more directly relevant ones to strengthen your argument.
language
Work on the clarity and precision of your language. Avoid long, complex sentences where shorter, clearer sentences would suffice. This will improve readability and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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