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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of presssure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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It is thought that young people in some countries lack leisure time and are under pressure to work hard on their studies, which mainly comes
as a result
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 of competition between peers and the pressure from their
parents
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 who worry about their
children
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's
future
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.
Nevertheless
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, there are some possible solutions to tackle
this
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 predicament. One reason why
youngsters
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 overwork in their studies is a highly competitive society where a single point on an exam can decide one's
future
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. In the modern world, institution fees rise significantly
as well as
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 the number of students who apply to these universities, which creates a high demand and,
consequently
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, competition.
Therefore
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, young people have to work harder in order to pursue their goals and keep up with their peers, and there is simply no leisure time for them to enjoy the beauty of
life
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. Another reason is that
parents
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 worry about their
children
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's
future
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 and want them to study as hard as possible to provide a decent salary in later
life
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;
however
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, it often results in
youngsters
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 burning out and losing the value of
life
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, since the only thing they see in
life
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 is work and study. There are two ways to solve
this
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 problem.
Firstly
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, by giving
youngsters
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 a choice of their
future
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.
For instance
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, some teenagers have a natural perspicacity
that is
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 useless in university but helpful in business. Considering
this
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, they can become successful entrepreneurs if given a chance to think about the possibilities of the
future
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.
Secondly
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,
parents
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 should help their
children
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 as much as possible. Obviously, it is extremely hard for yesterday's schoolers to become independent adults
while
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 studying and having to be responsible for their lives and
parents
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 can help with that by relieving some stress from their
children
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. A simple piece of advice or financial help can dramatically change the level of stress, resulting in
youngsters
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 focusing more without feeling anxiety.
To conclude
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, giving
youngsters
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 the freedom to choose what they want to be and helping
children
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 when necessary are the effective solutions to overcome
this
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 conundrum. If
parents
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 implemented these solutions,
this
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 issue could be solved easily

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Task Achievement
Try to directly and explicitly address the question prompts in both the introduction and conclusion, ensuring that your essay's purpose is clear from the beginning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures and transitions to enhance the flow of your essay, making your argumentation more nuanced.
Task Achievement
Augment your essay with more detailed examples or case studies to substantiate your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and grounded in real-world scenarios.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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