IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more people prefer to buy readymade food from restaurants or convenience stores instead of cooking for themselves. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of this? Write at least 250 words.

#people #readymade #food #restaurants #convenience #stores
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There is an increasing number of
people
 who are opting to purchase prepared
food
 from restaurants or cosy shops rather than preparing their own meals by themselves. I would argue that
this
 notion has a benefit in possessing better
time
 management,
while
 some detrimental effects related to expenditure and life skills could
also
 be observed. I contend that purchasing readymade
food
 can be beneficial for those who have lots of work, resulting in better
time
 management.
For example
, some busy employers might not have enough
time
 to prepare their
food
 as they usually should work from early morning until late evening. In
this
 case, it would be a good option for them to buy prepared
food
 so that they do not have to waste their energy to prepare their own meals. By doing
this
, they
also
 can use their
time
 for other activities
such
 as having leisure
time
, leading to have work-life balance.
Nevertheless
, I
also
 firmly believe that the trend of buying readymade
food
 can result in some drawbacks. First and foremost, we cannot neglect the fact that the cost of prepared
food
 is higher than home-made
food
. If many
people
 yearn to buy readymade
food
 continually, they have to spend more budget on it so
this
 habit will result in a negative effect on economic conditions in the long term.
Secondly
, from my perspective, cooking is one of the important abilities for many
people
 in acquiring survival skills as a human being. Unfortunately,
people
 might lose a chance to learn
this
 skill if they decide to ignore cooking and prefer to buy prepared
food
. In conclusion, I believe that the trend of purchasing prepared
food
 could be beneficial for better
time
 management,
while
this
 habit could
also
 lead to higher expenditure and neglect of life skills.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task. While your essay discusses advantages and disadvantages, adding more specific and varied examples can enhance the task response score.
Task Achievement
Improve the clarity and sophistication of your main ideas by enriching your arguments with more detailed examples. Specific real-life instances or statistics can lend credibility and depth to your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay exhibits a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve coherence, aim for smoother transitions between paragraphs through the use of linking phrases and words that clearly signal the relation between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support each main point with specific examples and detailed reasoning. While you did provide examples, diving deeper into these or adding more can make your arguments more compelling.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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