ome people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is debated that
celebrations
such
as weddings,birthdays and other parties are just a waste of money
while
others think these are necessary for individuals and the
socities
Correct your spelling
societies
.In my point of view,I totally agree that we should honour
these celebration
Change the determiner
this celebration
these celebrations
show examples
in spite of two factors
such
as an individual's happiness and economic development.In the next paragraph,I will discuss both views and provide my own
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
in detail.
To begin
with,it is
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essential for
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
human
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humans
show examples
to stay happy because a healthy lifestyles come from a happy mind.We
does
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do
show examples
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
need
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
luxury or big
celebrations
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
show examples
us happier,sometimes,a small act will make us smile.
For example
me
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apply
show examples
, I
was
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
married for three years now and still celebrating a wedding
aniversery
Correct your spelling
anniversary
with just a simple and romantic meal between
me
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apply
show examples
and my husband.
Besides
,
celebrations
help us to create more meaningful memories and can be shared
to
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with
show examples
others or future generations.Next,
this
helps to maintain a good economy of the global.
For example
,
an event designers
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an event designer
event designers
show examples
will have a proper income if the public demands of
such
things are being requested.
In addition
,
good
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a good
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ecomonic
Correct your spelling
economy
helps the country to
growth
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grow
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and expand.
On the other hand
,some people think that these
celebrations
are a waste of money because they should use the money on other places
such
as the healthcare systems and the
educations
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education
show examples
.
For example
,many
billinionaire
Correct your spelling
billionaire
billionaires
spend
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
of paper just for a party
instead
of helping the poor ones.It is true that nowadays the world needs more resources
on helping
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to help
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
scientists
to
Verb problem
apply
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do research on
the
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apply
show examples
new medicines and a way to fight
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new diseases. In conclusion,celebration is one of the ways we use to make
memory
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memories
show examples
although
this
seen
Add a missing verb
is seen
show examples
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
no a
Rephrase
not
show examples
very significant for all.In my opinion,the public should celebrate their special
occacions
Correct your spelling
occasions
occasion
to fulfill their happiness and help
increases
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
job opportunities.
Submitted by tifjong on

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Task Achievement
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Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on presenting your ideas more clearly. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples or explanations.
Lexical Resource
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate linguistic range and accuracy. Avoid repetition of words and phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Ensure accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Review your essay to correct errors that may obscure your meaning or reduce the formal tone of your writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Extravagant spending
  • Social cohesion
  • Cultural expression
  • Collective memory
  • Financial burden
  • Milestone
  • Societal expectations
  • Frugality
  • Sustainable celebrations
  • Symbolic significance
  • Memorable experiences
  • Peer pressure
  • Economic implications
  • Community bonding
  • Materialism
  • Minimalist approach
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