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Band 4

many people today use their phones for sending texts more than talking.what are the reasons for this?are there more advantages than disadvantages?

#people #phones #texts
There is no
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doubt
doub
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doubt
 that
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smartphones
show examples
smart phone
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smartphone
show examples
has
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have
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 changed
people
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people's
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 social
life
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lives
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 by making them busy
however
 it is believed by many that
this
 device has changed the way of
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interaction
interection
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interaction
 between people by sending online messages
instead
 of
having hang
Verb problem
hanging
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 out together there
many
Add a missing verb
are many
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 reasons behind
this
 issue and will discuss pros and cons in
this
 essay
to begin
 with, through
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the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 people find it easy to talk with their
friend
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friends
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, relatives and family
memebers
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members
 by sending them online text, images or videos.
This
 is because, they find it an easy route to escape rather than confronting them physically by using different social media apps
such
 as
instagram
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Instagram
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facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
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 or
twitter
Capitalize word
Twitter
show examples
 to send their texts
furthermore
, they are addicted to their
phones
 extremely which may create
sedentary
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a sedentary
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 lifestyle
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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also
 of the main cause of avoiding it.
By regular
Change preposition
Regular
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 use of online chats, creates a deterrent effect on health and makes a person fall into anxiety and depression
on the other hand
, apart from
constant
Correct article usage
the constant
show examples
 usage of mobile
phones
 for sending messages, there are more
prons
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prone
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 to it
firstly
, it
help
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helps
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 us to
removed
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remove
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 the communication barrier which
were
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was
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 at times was biggest problem
secondly
, through
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satellite
satelite
Add a comma
satelite,
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 we stay in touch with our loved ones all the time and chat with them whatever we want.
lastly
, the gadget is too small that we can carry it everywhere we want to to recapitulate,
although
 mobile
phones
helps
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help
show examples
 to make our social life disappear by constant use of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 but there are more
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 of using
phones
 that make our day
to day
Add a hyphen
to-day
show examples
 burden easier with just one click
Submitted by abdulahad08600 on

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logical structure
Make sure to have a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay currently lacks a clear conclusion summarizing the discussed points.
introduction conclusion present
Include a strong introductory sentence that outlines your essay and a conclusion that wraps up your discussion.
supported main points
Develop your main points with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
complete response
Address the prompt fully by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand upon your ideas in each paragraph to offer a comprehensive response to the question.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your claims and make them more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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