The debate exists on whether young people should have the freedom to select their own profession or if they should adopt a pragmatic approach, considering their future more seriously. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is debated
that
Correct word choice
whether
young
generation should have Correct article usage
the young
freedom
to select their own Add an article
the freedom
profession
or ones
should adopt a pragmatic approach to ensure their future.Correct pronoun usage
apply
However
,I believe that both statements have its
benefits and in the next paragraph,I will discuss Correct pronoun usage
their
on
both views and provide my own opinions.
Change preposition
apply
To begin
with,younger generations have their
right to choose their own pathways because Change the word
the
this
can lead to more fulfilling and satisfaction
careers.Replace the word
satisfying
Moreover
,these make them to
feel more Change the verb form
apply
passions
Replace the word
passionate
to
Change preposition
about
persue
their favourite jobs and allow them to study harder compared to Correct your spelling
pursuing
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
on reaching
their goals.Change preposition
to reach
For example
,an individual will work twice harder
if they Rephrase
as hard
in
their preferred Add a missing verb
are in
profession
.Apart from
this
,the value of the company will increase too.In addition
,it is a
significant to keep a healthy mindset Change the article
apply
while
working,therefore
,people should choose their desire
Replace the word
desired
profession
to avoid an
unwanted diseases Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
such
as stress-related illness
and others.
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
On the other hand
,some people might need practical considerations such
as market demands, potential earnings and security of the job before making their decisions.For example
,two different companies offer same
position but the wages may Change the article
the same
vry
,Correct your spelling
vary
very
this
will surely affect a person to make a decision regarding the deals.Besides
,this
can help teenagers to make a good selection on
jobs based on market trends and ensure stability Change preposition
of
of
Change preposition
in
the
careers.
In conclusion,it is important for the younger generations to choose wisely in their Change the word
their
profession
because this
will give
a big impact on our economy.In my opinion,the equilibrium between one's passion and Verb problem
have
pactical
approach will help to secure a better future.Correct your spelling
practical
Submitted by tifjong on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on structuring your essay more coherently. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence to wrap up the paragraph’s main idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduce a wider variety of transition words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the readability of your essay and make your argument flow more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic, outlines the key points you will discuss, and states your opinion. This sets a strong foundation for your essay.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples by providing more specific details. Rather than simply stating an example, delve into why it supports your point and its significance. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.