Some parents claim that advertisements are misleading for children while others allege that they provide useful information. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Write at least 250 words.

It is argued that some
parents
contend that
ads
have negative effects
for
Change preposition
on
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kids,
while
others believe that they would be beneficial
due to
providing appealing
information
.
This
essay will examine both views before presenting a concerned solution. Proponents suggest that
advertisements
can result in extravagant
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
for
children
.
This
is because kids are easily affected by
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
interesting design of
ads
on television, boards and leaflets. Unfortunately, they are not already capable
to decide
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of deciding
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
own needs wisely so
that
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apply
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they yearn to have many things which be displayed
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertisements
.
Consequently
, in the long term,
this
condition will lead to consumptive
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
among
children
.
Nevertheless
, opponents believe that the
ads
have a positive impact by suggesting useful
information
. An example of
this
was recently seen when many
parents
in Indonesia tried to engage with healthy
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
show examples
and
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
for their
children
as they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
attracted by some
ads
on
billboard
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billboards
show examples
related to organic
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
and
also
how to maintain
children
’s development. Clearly,
information
like
this
can lead
parents
to have
better
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a better
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understanding to take care of their
children
. From my perspective, both views are valid.
However
,
parents
should make a boundary and just look for the
advertisements
which contain beneficial
information
.
Moreover
,
parents
can
also
consider some
adds
Correct your spelling
ads
show examples
that might not be relevant for their kids to avoid unintended consequences. In conclusion, the
advertisements
have both negative and positive sides for
children
.
Nonetheless
, I firmly believe that if
parents
can select the
advertisements
properly,
this
will be good for their
children
’s development.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Work on incorporating more specific, real-world examples to support your arguments. While you mention an instance involving parents in Indonesia, expanding on such examples or including additional ones could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the variety and complexity of your sentences to enhance readability and logical flow. Try to vary your sentence structures and use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clear and direct, summarizing your stance and the main points of your essay. While you have done this well, always look for ways to make your positions and summaries even sharper.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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