IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents claim that advertisements are misleading for children while others allege that they provide useful information. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Write at least 250 words.

#parents #advertisements #children #information
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It is argued that some
parents
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 contend that
ads
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 have negative effects
for
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on
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 kids,
while
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 others believe that they would be beneficial
due to
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 providing appealing
information
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.
This
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 essay will examine both views before presenting a concerned solution. Proponents suggest that
advertisements
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 can result in extravagant
habit
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habits
show examples
 for
children
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.
This
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 is because kids are easily affected by
an
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the
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 interesting design of
ads
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 on television, boards and leaflets. Unfortunately, they are not already capable
to decide
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of deciding
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they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 own needs wisely so
that
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apply
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they yearn to have many things which be displayed
on
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in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertisements
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.
Consequently
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, in the long term,
this
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 condition will lead to consumptive
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 among
children
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.
Nevertheless
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, opponents believe that the
ads
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 have a positive impact by suggesting useful
information
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. An example of
this
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 was recently seen when many
parents
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 in Indonesia tried to engage with healthy
diet
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diets
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 and
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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 for their
children
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 as they
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 attracted by some
ads
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 on
billboard
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billboards
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 related to organic
product
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products
show examples
 and
also
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 how to maintain
children
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’s development. Clearly,
information
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 like
this
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 can lead
parents
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 to have
better
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a better
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 understanding to take care of their
children
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. From my perspective, both views are valid.
However
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,
parents
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 should make a boundary and just look for the
advertisements
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 which contain beneficial
information
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.
Moreover
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,
parents
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 can
also
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 consider some
adds
Correct your spelling
ads
show examples
 that might not be relevant for their kids to avoid unintended consequences. In conclusion, the
advertisements
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 have both negative and positive sides for
children
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.
Nonetheless
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, I firmly believe that if
parents
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 can select the
advertisements
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 properly,
this
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 will be good for their
children
Use synonyms
’s development.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Work on incorporating more specific, real-world examples to support your arguments. While you mention an instance involving parents in Indonesia, expanding on such examples or including additional ones could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the variety and complexity of your sentences to enhance readability and logical flow. Try to vary your sentence structures and use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clear and direct, summarizing your stance and the main points of your essay. While you have done this well, always look for ways to make your positions and summaries even sharper.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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