IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To whtat extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sites #impact #individuals #society #whtat
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Individuals assume
sites
Use synonyms
 of social networking
provide
Verb problem
sites have
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 a very negative impact on both
people
Use synonyms
 and society. I disagree with that statement
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because social networking platforms are beneficial for human life
such
Linking Words
 as making it easier to increase social bonding and attract buyers in
business
Add an article
the business
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 field.
Firstly
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, Social media as networking
sites
Use synonyms
 provide a chance for individuals to enhance social bonding easily. Because
people
Use synonyms
 can still interact with other
people
Use synonyms
 who are not physically with them through communication platforms.
Furthermore
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,
due to
Linking Words
 networking
sites
Use synonyms
, we are able to find clubs that consist of
people
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 who have similar interests to us. We can exchange information
,
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apply
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 and offer contact in person in order to share experiences.
In addition
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, we can express our feelings
such
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 as gratitude and happiness
into
Change preposition
in
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 our social and communication media by uploading photos or videos that later potentially become memorable and record past stories.
Secondly
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, communication
sites
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also
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 play a vital role in
business
Add an article
the business
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 field. Many
people
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 start their marketing process on social media. It aims to attract buyers to purchase their service or product
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because many
people
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 prefer to obtain their requirements life through shopping online.
In addition
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, some platform today is equipped with advanced feature that relates to business.
As a result
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, many businessmen
get
Verb problem
apply
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benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
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 from that.
For example
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,
instagram
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Instagram
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 is filled with advertising features, WhatsApp is accompanied by catalogue product or service features and Telegram has a broadcast channel to share detailed information
stuffs
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stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 for their customers. In conclusion, social networking
sites
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 nowadays are very helpful to both individuals and society. It was caused by social networking
sites
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 give ease for
people
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 to build and increase relationships or social bonding.
Moreover
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, it
also
Linking Words
 helps businessmen to attract customers to their
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 or
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
For task achievement, make sure to clearly state your position throughout the essay and not only in the introduction. Expand upon your arguments with more detailed examples that directly support your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try using a wider range of linking phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the central idea.
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