IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Write a letter to a friend. You have borrowed something from your friend and it got damaged. 1. Apologize for damaging the product 2. Explain what happened 3. Say how are you going to fix the issue

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Dear Lucas, I hope you’re doing great. I’d like to thank you for borrowing me your
camera
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 and it did help me a lot during my trip to Japan. But I’ve got to tell you that I accidentally broke the lens. I feel terribly sorry for that and I hope you can forgive me. What actually happened was that I was taking photos on the street and it was a little bit crowded and
then
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 someone pushed me from the back. I failed to hold the
camera
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 and it fell on the ground.
While
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 the
camera
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 still works, there are several cracks in the lens. I’ve brought the
camera
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 to the local electronic devices shop and I was told that the damage could be e repaired, so I bought an identical lens
instead
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 and it should be as good as new when you receive it. I know that
this
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camera
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 is of great importance to you. Again I’m so sorry for the damage and I hope you can forgive my carelessness. Best regards,
Changyue
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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, consider using more diverse linking words or phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. While the structure is clear, adding phrases such as 'Unfortunately' before delivering bad news or 'As a result' to connect cause and effect could enhance readability and flow.
task achievement
For task achievement, you've addressed all parts of the task effectively. To refine your response, consider adding more details about how you plan to ensure the lens's quality matches the original, or offer additional compensation to underscore your seriousness. This could further demonstrate your understanding of the task's requirements.
task achievement
Your writing tone is generally suitable for a letter to a friend. However, to elevate the emotional impact and sincerity of your apology, you might include expressions of empathy or personal regret beyond the initial apology. Phrases like 'I understand how disappointing this must be for you' could deepen the emotional tone.
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