IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think computer games have negative impacts on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Online
games
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 have been extremely popular among
children
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 in recent years. It is argued that the detrimental impacts of
computer
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games
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 on kids are considerably huge.
However
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, others consider that there are positive sides to playing
games
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. On the one hand, there are several benefits of being engaged in
computer
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games
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.
Firstly
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, young
people
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 can enhance cognitive and problem-solving skills as they play puzzle
games
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.
That is
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 because
such
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games
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 aid youngsters in possessing strong concentration and solving thought-provoking issues by giving them challenging tasks during the
games
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.
Secondly
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, playing online
games
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 would be a great opportunity for kids to be surrounded by like-minded
people
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.
In other words
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, they can make a kind of friends who have a lot in common.
Children
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 can interact with players in the form of audio chats and comments in
computer
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games
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 and they are even able to learn foreign languages.
On the other hand
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, it is certainly true that there are harmful effects of playing
games
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 on young
people
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. No one can deny that
computer
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games
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 are addictive and
children
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 can easily be captivated by them.
As a result
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,
this
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 leads to a waste of time and kids may take away their study and essential activities
due to
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 overindulgence in
games
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. Another negative side of playing
games
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 is health-related problems. The more
games
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children
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 play, the more sedentary lifestyle they develop.
Consequently
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,
such
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 a lifestyle invites many physical issues. In fact, one of the chief reasons for obesity is playing
computer
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games
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 excessively because
children
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 are often glued to coaches and do fewer activities as they are playing online
games
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. In summary,
although
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 there are lots of benefits of playing
games
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 for young
people
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such
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 as developing reasoning skills and making friends, some negative consequences like over-dependencies and physical issues exist as well. I strongly believe that it would be acceptable if
children
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 played
computer
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games
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 in moderation.

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Response Completeness
Ensure your thesis statement is clear in expressing your position. Although you've presented both sides, your personal stance should be clearer. It will help the reader understand your perspective from the beginning.
Specific Examples
Provide more specific examples to support your claims. While you've mentioned benefits and downsides of playing computer games, incorporating real-world examples or studies will strengthen your argument.
Logical Structure
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and the sentences flow logically from one to the next. Using transition words can help improve the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
When discussing contrasting views or aspects of an issue, use clear transition phrases to distinguish between your discussion of opposing views. This helps to clarify your argument and maintain coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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