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Writing Samples
Band 8

In certain countries, the majority of directors, managers, and senior executives are men. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development?

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In particular
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 nations, a vast number of officials, managers and senior executives are chosen among male. In my opinion, it is mainly because many people believe that
such
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 career are more appropriate for men. I am
also
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 convinced that it is a negative trend and has some drawbacks for the society. It is my view that following a patriarchal trend, in some countries men have been undertaking significant responsibilities in the society. To clarify,
according to
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this
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 viewpoint, males are more likely to be suitable for some specific professions as they think more logically.
In other words
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, these people overlook the position of women as beneficial society members which lead to reduce the efficiency of females in all aspects of their lives as they are less likely to recruit in important positions.
For example
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, an ambitious young lady who is graduated from Law University with high qualifications and skills cannot find her desired job as a judge in Iran,
due to
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 political
as well as
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 religious perspective which is dominated in
this
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 country. I
further
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 believe that designating males in important positions can be considered as a negative development, since it instill a sense of disappointment among women, especially the youngsters and the graduate girls of related fields. From a social standpoint, everyone should have been treated equally in the country which leads to better economic and social status.
Moreover
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,
such
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 discrimination has an adverse effects on females, as they find it difficult to outline their capabilities in order to prove themselves to find their favorite posts.
As a result
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, they may suffer from numerous mental and psychological health problems.
Consequently
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,
this
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 trend will pass on to fellow generation and it will
last
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 in the long run. In conclusion, many argue that men are better choices for some jobs,
while
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 from my perspective, it is a negative attitude which may have many detrimental impacts on the societies and their members.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the question's statements and your stance, keeping both concise and focused.
task achievement
Expand on the reasons why men dominate these roles by providing more diverse examples from different contexts or sectors.
task achievement
Engage more thoroughly with both sides of the argument even if your view leans heavily towards one, this will strengthen your position and show a balanced analysis.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between paragraphs by using a wider range of cohesive devices and clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point that is developed and supported by evidence or examples. While you have included some examples, they could be more detailed to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, ensure the conclusion effectively summarizes your points without introducing new information. It should reflect back on the arguments made and reiterate your stance in a concise manner.
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