IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and, if so, how?

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Some people argue that studying
English
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 at
school
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 is more essential than traditional
language
Use synonyms
.
Although
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 I believe as a universal
language
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, it is important for children to learn
English
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 at
school
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, there is still a way to maintain the traditional
language
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 as the legacy of culture so it will not be extinct easily. We have to understand that
English
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 as the global
language
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 which is used on many occasions and events should be taught to everyone. It is noticeable that the internet has made the
world
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 borderless,
hence
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 communication become the most important way to gain information. People only communicate through the same
language
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, and many nations have already agreed to use
English
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 as their
similar
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apply
show examples
language
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. As one of the most used languages in the
world
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,
English
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 is way more important to be learned by all people.
Thus
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, it will be easier for them to connect within a borderless
world
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. Some of the regions in
this
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world
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 have their local
language
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 which has been used for many years as part of the culture. It
usually
Add a missing verb
is usually
show examples
 called a legacy from ancestors that needs to be preserved.
However
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, there are many ways to maintain their local
language
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 so it will not be extinct anyway. One of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 is by conducting the mandatory requirement in
school
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 that students should pass the examination of local
language
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, either traditional or national.
For example
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 in Indonesia, where government has made a regulation for all student to learn their local
language
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 since elementary
school
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.
Therefore
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, children will always remember to preserve their local
language
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 as their legacy in everyday communication. In conclusion, it is very crucial for everyone to learn
English
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 because it has become an international
language
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.
Besides
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 we can conduct on how to preserve the local
language
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 by making it
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a mandatory requirement
on
Change preposition
for
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 passing the
school
Use synonyms
 grade for children.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure more to enhance readability and interest. While your essay is well-organized, using a wider range of complex sentences could add to its coherence.
Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address all parts of the question. You've made a good attempt, but further elaboration on why it's important for everyone to learn English, beyond it being a universal language, could strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific examples to support your points. Your reference to Indonesia is a good start, but expanding on this with more examples or details could provide a more persuasive argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, use more transitional phrases and connectors to ensure that the progression from one idea to the next is smooth and logical.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global communication
  • economic opportunities
  • cultural diversity
  • endangered
  • linguistic heritage
  • inclusive
  • multilingualism
  • language revitalization
  • language policy
  • language preservation
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