IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Children are less likely to read books today. Give the reasons and solutions to this trend.

#children #books #trend
The importance of reading among
children
 has been widely understood for a long time.
However
, many parents find it challenging to encourage their reading habits
due to
 the growing effect of technological gadgets on their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. It seems necessary to raise their
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
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toward
Change preposition
in
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books
 by
increaing
Correct your spelling
increasing
chances
Correct article usage
the chances
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 to visit libraries. One of the primary causes
Change preposition
of
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to
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of
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decling
Correct your spelling
declining
decline
number
 of young readers is their growing dependence
Change preposition
on
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of
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on
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 advanced tools in modern society.
In other words
,
children
 are provided with a
number
 of exciting
service
Change the noun form
services
show examples
such
 as games and music
by
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on
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 their own smartphones.
This
 results in raising their satisfaction and spending prolonged hours watching
You Tube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
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 and Instragrams.
Therefore
,
pupiles
Correct your spelling
pupils
 are less reluctant to visit libraries where they are only accessible to reading materials in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quiet places. With the lack of
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
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 and motivation to
aquire
Correct your spelling
acquire
 various knowledge and skills, it would be more demanding for parents and teachers to draw their attention to
books
. In order to increase reading habits among
children
, adults should take them to libraries on a regular basis. Frequent visits to the library make them feel more comfortable
to stay
Verb problem
apply
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as they get familiar with a
number
 of
books
 and people there.
This
 will be
suprised
Correct your spelling
surprised
 by the extensive range of topics they have including history, science and even cooking with more detailed analysis and explanation than online information.
As a result
, it grows their curiosity and
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 toward various facts in life. As adults spend more time in the library with their
children
, they are more likely to be independent learners by the escalation of their eagerness to seek
for
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apply
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answers to a certain topic. In conclusion, it has been a serious concern among many parents and teachers that the
number
 of
children
 with reading habits decline rapidly. The rising dependence on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern gadgets has become a huge hurdle in drawing their attention
on
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to
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 paper
books
.
Children
 should be encouraged to visit
library
Add an article
the library
show examples
 to promote their
interests
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interest
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for
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in
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 reading.
This
 will have
positive
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a positive
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 effect on their academic performance in the long run.
Submitted by mizuho on

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Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay provides a strong introduction and conclusion, integrating a clearer thematic link between paragraphs could enhance the logical flow. Consider using more explicit connection words or phrases to lead the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively meets the task requirements by addressing the reasons for reduced reading among children and proposing solutions. To further improve, ensure each paragraph distinctly supports your argument with specific examples or evidence, enhancing clarity and persuasiveness.
Language
Introduce a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to add variety and sophistication to your writing. This can also help in making your arguments stronger and more compelling.

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