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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people believe online work, shopping and communication are good for society. discuss both advantages and disadantages.

#people #work #communication #society #disadantages
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In contemporary
society
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, the proliferation of online platforms has transformed the way people
work
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, shop, and communicate.
While
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 many view these changes as positive for
society
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, there are both advantages and disadvantages to consider. On the positive side, the advent of online
work
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 has introduced flexibility and convenience into the professional sphere. Remote
work
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 options allow employees to manage their schedules more efficiently, leading to improved
work
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-life balance.
Additionally
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, the accessibility of online job opportunities enables a wider pool of talent to contribute to various industries, fostering diversity and innovation. The convenience of online shopping is another notable advantage, offering consumers a vast array of products at their fingertips, often at competitive prices.
This
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 not only saves time but
also
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 provides access to goods that may not be readily available locally.
However
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, these advancements come with their drawbacks. Online
work
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,
while
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 flexible, may lead to feelings of isolation and detachment from colleagues, hindering team collaboration and camaraderie.
Moreover
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, the rise of the gig economy can result in job insecurity and a lack of employment benefits for many.
Similarly
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, the convenience of online shopping may contribute to the decline of brick-and-mortar businesses, impacting local economies and eliminating traditional jobs. In terms of communication, online platforms have facilitated instant connections globally, fostering relationships and collaborations.
However
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, the reliance on digital communication may erode face-to-face interactions, leading to potential misunderstandings and a diminished sense of community. In conclusion,
while
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 online
work
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, shopping, and communication offer undeniable advantages for
society
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, it is essential to navigate these changes with a critical eye. Striking a balance that maximizes the benefits
while
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 mitigating the potential drawbacks is crucial for a
society
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 that embraces technological advancements responsibly.
Submitted by deckyridho on

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Response, ensure to address all parts of the prompt clearly. Provide a more detailed discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages mentioned. Adding specific examples can significantly enhance your essay by making your arguments more concrete and relatable.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance Coherence and Cohesion by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. Use a variety of transition words to connect ideas smoothly. Additionally, consider revisiting the conclusion to reinforce your stance and summarise the main points more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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