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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people prefer to go to gym and clubs for health care other say that walking and jumping stairs are more affective. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #gym #clubs #health #care #stairs #affective
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Whether
jounning
Correct your spelling
joining
 a
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 club is as
affective
Correct your spelling
effective
show examples
 as doing daily activities
such
Linking Words
 as climbing
stairs
Use synonyms
 or not is a
feasable
Correct your spelling
feasible
 subject of public debate.
Despit
Correct your spelling
Despite
 the fact that walking and jumping would be considered a potential type of
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
, I hold the view that it could not play a practical role as a
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 habit.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 argue
this
Linking Words
 idea in the following essay. Paying the
gym
Use synonyms
 a
visite
Correct your spelling
visit
show examples
, on the one hand, has a myriad of merits for one's health. The
chef
Change noun form
chef's
show examples
 benefit might be having an expert
abserver
Correct your spelling
observer
 who takes care of the
culb
Correct your spelling
club
 members.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
individuls
Correct your spelling
individuals
 have the opportunity to use the
tuter's
Correct your spelling
tutor's
 experiences and knowledge. Doing heavy movements without the trainer, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people might get themselves
damages
Wrong verb form
damaged
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 case.
In addition
Linking Words
, the second reason would be the
posibility
Correct your spelling
possibility
 of utilizing
defferent
Correct your spelling
different
 and up-to-the-minute
gym
Use synonyms
 devices. The diversity of
facilitis
Correct your spelling
facilities
 offers clients a constructive approach to their
uniqe
Correct your spelling
unique
 aims.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is essential that everyone hoping for one of the best daily basis
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 plans adhere to the gyms and clubs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a widely held view that jogging or climbing the
stairs
Use synonyms
 could be an intense
sport
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 going to
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
, even more
influentail
Correct your spelling
influential
.
Although
Linking Words
 having
active
Correct article usage
an active
show examples
 lifestyle seems to be by far the most
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 aspect of
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
routhin
Correct your spelling
routine
routing
routeing
 specially in the hectice daily life, the
exessive
Correct your spelling
excessive
show examples
Use synonyms
stairs
Change the noun form
stair
show examples
 jumpings would be harmful for
knees
Correct article usage
the knees
show examples
 and physical health. In
this
Linking Words
 case, many doctors suggest that it is for the best to
avoide
Correct your spelling
avoid
 staircases as far as possible. Using
stairs
Use synonyms
 is the only option
that is
Linking Words
 available to relocate and there is no
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 but
walking
Change the verb form
to walk
show examples
 them up,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, it would not be replaced as an intensive workout in which every
muscel iss
Correct your spelling
muscle is
 moving.
Thus
Linking Words
, never had
this
Linking Words
 activity acted as a
pivital
Correct your spelling
pivotal
 role as exercising. To encapsulate, being a
gym
Use synonyms
 member who has the golden
opprtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to be under experts
caring
Verb problem
apply
show examples
and to use state-of-the-art gadgets in the club, people stay
more safe
Correct word choice
safer
show examples
 and healthy rather than the time they consider climbing
stairs
Use synonyms
 a type of heavy workout.
Submitted by momenzade.mahna1999 on

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Task Achievement
To improve in task response, it's essential to more explicitly address the prompt by discussing both views in depth, and then providing a clear, justified opinion. Ensure each paragraph contains a clear idea related to the question and expands on this with relevant examples or arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on providing clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the essay’s flow. Using phrases like "Moreover," "Additionally," "On the other hand," helps to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea which is then developed with examples or further explanation. This will help your essay to progress logically and make your argument more persuasive.
General
Mind the accuracy of vocabulary and grammar to communicate your ideas more effectively. Errors in spelling, grammar, and word choice can detract from your argument and make the essay difficult to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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