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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, for many individuals, the internet is becoming a substitute for traditional books. What do you think will happen in the future, and what is your opinion?

In the modern era, social media and the internet have become alternatives for many individuals, gradually replacing traditional sources like books. I believe that in the future,
this
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 trend will intensify and may result in numerous negative consequences,
such
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 as deteriorating eyesight, rising crime rates, and a decline in face-to-face social interaction.
This
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 essay will elaborate on the reasons and present my perspective in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, one of the most significant drawbacks of replacing books with the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 is poor eyesight. Harmful rays emitted by mobile and digital screens have adverse effects on the eyes and can contribute to vision problems, potentially leading to blindness.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in Japan revealed that over 60% of children required glasses
due to
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 weakened eyesight caused by excessive internet usage. Another major concern is the reduction in real-life social connections. As people spend more time on screens, meaningful interactions among individuals have declined, contributing to mental health issues
such
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 as loneliness and depression.
Furthermore
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, these problems are likely to escalate in the future if current habits persist.
Additionally
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, the future may witness a rise in crime rates. To elaborate, the exposure of personal information on digital platforms increases the risk of data breaches and cybercrimes.
For example
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, research conducted by the University of Toronto reported that nearly 50% of cybercriminals obtain personal data from apps like Instagram, Facebook, and other social media platforms. In conclusion,
although
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 the reduced use of paper is environmentally beneficial, the overdependence on digital media can lead to severe repercussions, as explained above. In my opinion, if
this
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 trend continues unchecked, it could result in serious global consequences that threaten human well-being.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to link your ideas more clearly between paragraphs to improve the flow.
task achievement
Consider adding a few more examples to support your points.
task achievement
Make sure to define all important terms and ideas in simple words for better understanding.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and outlines the main points.
task achievement
You provide specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your ideas and reflects your opinion effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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