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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

For the majority of countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or even longer during the
summer
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holidays
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. I'll explain that there are huge benefits to resting longer during the
holidays
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.
Also
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, there are some arguments in favour of shortening the number of days. First of all, I agree with the statement that young
students
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 and adults should rest during the
summer
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 break. Because
students
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 tend to get sick in the winter
due to
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 the cold. So, giving them a longer break has advantages
:
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;
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 it replenishes their energy and supports their immune health.
For instance
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,
students
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 often catch a cold because of the harsh winter.
Thus
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, parents rest in the countryside with their children to elevate their children's height and boost their immunity during the
summer
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 break. Second of all, teenagers like the idea of working as part-timers, usually at ages 15-18.
Moreover
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, they can feel how hard it is to earn money. So, longer
holidays
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 give them
time
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 to work, similar to their parents, and grow their knowledge of finances, even in a small amount of
time
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.
Also
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, they can spend their earned money on something efficient.
On the other hand
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, giving shorter school
holidays
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also
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 has some advantages. Some
students
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 often forget their hard-earned knowledge in a short
time
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. So, they need to review their lessons as soon as possible. Another aspect is that they spend their precious
time
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 on unnecessary things,
such
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 as watching K-dramas and playing games. They are usually like owls, who do not sleep at night.
Furthermore
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, their sleep schedules are disrupted by online platforms. So, it is better to reduce the
summer
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 holiday. In conclusion,
students
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 enhance their immune function by resting in the countryside in the
summer
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. Because they get sick in the winter.
In addition
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, it is a better opportunity to work as a part-timer to learn the value of money.
In contrast
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, some children spend their
time
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 playing games and disrupt their sleep. So, some people argued that the
summer
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 break should be shorter than now.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. It will help guide your essay better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly between paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your ideas. This will strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You clearly explained the benefits of long holidays, like improving health and earning money.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical order, discussing both sides of the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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