Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent days, there
are
Wrong verb form
have been
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more
museums
requiring
visitors
to pay entrance fees,
while
others are still free of charge.
Although
this
payment has a drawback, I believe there are benefits when
museums
charge for some cash to enjoy what can be viewed by
visitors
. The main disadvantage of charging some costs for
visitors
to
entry
Replace the word
enter
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museums
is the probability for
museums
to have fewer
visitors
. The
museums
will be less attractive
due to
the obligations for the tourists as they consider the benefit they may obtain after paying some amounts.
Visitors
to the
national
Correct your spelling
National Museum
show examples
museum
in Jakarta,
for example
, may
put
Verb problem
have
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high expectations
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
what they can see inside the
museum
since they take out cash from their
wallet
Fix the agreement mistake
wallets
show examples
. Once they find some
objects
which are under what they expected, they will be disappointed.
Moreover
,
this
disappointment will be
long-lasting
Correct article usage
a long-lasting
show examples
stories
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story
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for them and their relatives whom they share
to
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apply
show examples
.
However
, there are positive sides
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
charging some fees to enter the
museum
which outweigh the negative side. The primary benefits of having people pay for
museum
entrances are
museums
may have more income and change people’s mindset regarding appreciation of the properties and
museum
itself. The fee applied for people to get into
museums
is able to be used to support property maintenance and to pay for human resources working in
museums
.
Objects
displayed in the
museums
have to be maintained properly, and it definitely requires money to keep the
objects
in good condition.
Moreover
, the workers who work in the
museums
should be paid. They have duties in guiding
visitors
and providing information about the things shown, and some of them
also
work in cleaning
museums
. Tourists’
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
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the
museums
can be useful as the salary for the employees.
Moreover
, people’s expenses on
museums
may drive people to give more appreciation
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
what they see as
objects
in
museums
are valuable and priceless. In conclusion,
while
the payment charged to enjoy the
museum
has a drawback, I believe that the requirement for
visitors
to pay
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a fee has more beneficial effects regarding financial and mindset issues.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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task achievement
Your essay provided a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages of charging entrance fees at museums. However, it can be more structured by clearly stating your stance in the introduction and summarizing it in the conclusion. This will improve the logical flow and make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay had a clear introduction and conclusion, but the coherence can be improved. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence. This structure will enhance the logical flow of your ideas.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, include more specific examples or data to support your points. While the example of the national museum in Jakarta is a good start, adding more examples or citing studies can provide stronger evidence for your claims.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
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