IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

You participated in a public event organized at a local park. Write a letter to the event organizer. In your letter tell them some feedback about the event; explain what you particularly enjoyed; give some suggestions for improvement.

#event #park #organizer #feedback #suggestions #improvement
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First of all, I would be say thank you for your attention. I'm going to write
this
Linking Words
 letter because the
last
Linking Words
 public event
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was amazing. I
participed
Correct your spelling
participated
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
"Safe
Correct article usage
the "Safe
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 Forest" event, and it was fantastic seeing a lot of people fighting for
problem
Add an article
the problem
show examples
 of pollution. About me, there were many
foodtrackers
Correct your spelling
food trackers
 and it was a good idea
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because there
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 a
lor
Correct your spelling
lot
 of hungry people.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I enjoyed
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
 interesting activities, like
inteviews
Correct your spelling
interviews
,
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 with
item
Add an article
the item
show examples
 "Safe
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Capitalize word
Nature
show examples
" and a lot of night concerts. I wish
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
 afternoon activities in the next edition,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
 one big game or one theatre show.
This
Linking Words
 edition
it
Remove the pronoun
apply
show examples
was fantastic and very important
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the problem of pollution is real and it is the
most
Correct word choice
biggest
show examples
 threat. Sincerely, Elisa
Submitted by bollinielisa4 on

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greeting and closing
Ensure you address the event organizer more directly to make your letter feel more personal and engaging. For example, start with 'Dear [Organizer's Name or Title],' and close with a more specific sign-off like 'Yours sincerely, Elisa.'
logical structure
While your overall structure is clear, consider enhancing the logical flow by introducing your feedback, specifically enjoyed aspects, and suggestions for improvement in separate paragraphs to improve readability.
logical structure
For a more coherent text, transition smoothly between paragraphs and ideas. Use linking phrases such as 'In addition to the above,' 'Furthermore,' or 'Regarding improvements,' to guide the reader through your letter.
complete response
To fully meet the task requirements, provide more detailed feedback and suggestions. Instead of briefly mentioning aspects you enjoyed and suggested improvements, elaborate on why you found them meaningful and how specific changes could enhance future events.
suitable writing tone
Adopt a slightly more formal tone to suit the nature of a written letter to an organizer. While maintaining your personal voice, consider reviewing grammar and punctuation for a more professional touch. For example, replace 'foodtrackers' with 'food trucks' and correct phrases like 'I would be say thank you' to 'I would like to say thank you.'

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • event organizer
  • public event
  • local park
  • feedback
  • organized
  • community engagement
  • performances
  • logistical
  • facilities
  • crowd management
  • inclusivity
  • local businesses
  • atmosphere
  • volunteer
  • memorable
  • suggestions for improvement
  • upcoming events
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