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Band 7.5

Scientists agree that people are harming their health by eating too much fat food. Some people think that the solution to this problem is to make people aware of the problems. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#scientists #people #health #food #education #work
Nowadays individuals are consuming an excess of fast
food
 which is causing diseases that damage their health. It is evident that there are split ideas regarding whether educating them could be an optimal decision, meanwhile, others believe that education will prove ineffective. Personally, I support the view that teaching can help to decrease the number of illnesses that result from using
fat
Replace the word
fatty
show examples
food
. Those who advocate that guidance is not an appropriate way to avoid the problem may argue that if a person does not have the desire to cease consuming unhealthy
food
, no guide is capable of providing assistance. There might be rational reasons because humanity’s willpower plays an essential role when making decisions. Even though individuals have watched a number of educational videos, if a person does not want it from inside, they are useless.
On the other hand
, other group holds the view that instructions about the importance of balanced diets can address the issue. To put it more simply, if there are organized educational initiatives that focus on teaching children and adults about nutrition and how to read
food
 labels, it can provide assistance to others to know the consistency of the
food
 that they are eating every day. What is more, they can differentiate what is a beneficial ingredient and what is a detrimental one.
For instance
,
according to
 the research conducted by the National Institute of Health (NIH), people who knew about balanced nutrition experienced reduced illness than not-educated people.
Therefore
, it is clear why some people gravitate towards
this
 point of view. In conclusion, after analyzing both sides of an argument, I believe that acquiring knowledge about proportionate diet can help to reduce illness generated by utilizing junk foods.
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Task Achievement
Work on integrating more specific examples into your essay. While you cite a study by the National Institute of Health (NIH), further examples or data could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures for a more engaging read. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, ensure every paragraph has a clear main idea supported by detailed explanations or examples to maintain focus and strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental
  • awareness campaigns
  • behavior change
  • socioeconomic factors
  • nutritional education
  • balanced diet
  • food labels
  • dietary habits
  • policy interventions
  • public health
  • heart disease
  • diabetes
  • obesity
  • human psychology
  • food marketing
  • nutrition
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