Despite a variety of sport facilities and gyms, people are less fit nowadays than ever before. What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?
Nowadays,
although
, there are a lot of sports facilities and gyms, we can see many people
suffering from obesity
. Firstly
, this
essay will consider the reasons for this
problem, and then
provide logical solutions for this
issue.
First of all, today, people
have a sedentary lifestyle which means that many individuals spend a lot of time
in their office, as a result
, this
trend can lead to obesity
. Another reason that can be mentioned here, is that these days, there are a lot of individuals having an unhealthy diet
. In other words
, they tend to consume junk foods such
as snacks, burgers, and pizza which are huge resources of calories. In addition
, nowadays, people
live a fast-paced life, therefore
, they do not have enough time
to go to the gym and do physical activities.
One possible approach would be for authorities to set a time
in the work schedule for employees to do physical activity. A more feasible approach would be for authorities to allocate a considerable budget to companies to build gyms or swimming pools in their workplace. besides
that, people
can move away from an unhealthy diet
to a healthy diet
. They can replace junk foods with healthy foods like seafood and traditional food. Finally
, everyone should put some time
aside in a day for exercise. These approaches, if implemented by society, will certainly tackle the obesity
problem quickly.
Taking everything into consideration, people
's lifestyles and diets have a negative impact on their bodies. However
, we can address the obesity
issue by improving our diet
and doing more exercise in our daily life
.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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task response
Enhance your task response by directly answering the question asked with more specific examples and evidences. Make it clear how the causes lead to the stated problem and how suggested solutions would alleviate these issues.
coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by organizing your ideas more clearly. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea that is expanded upon. Transitions between ideas can be smoothed through the use of connective words or phrases.
task response
Your essay could benefit from more detailed examples and evidence that specifically demonstrate the issues and potential solutions you're discussing. Adding statistics, studies, or hypothetical scenarios would provide stronger support for your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful. Clarify your stance in the introduction and succinctly summarize key points in the conclusion to reinforce your argument and leave a lasting impression.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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