Some people think that children should not watch television, because it has negative effects, while others believe it helps children. Discuss both views and give your opinion

There is ongoing debate regarding
impact
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the impact
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Tv for
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of TV on
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childerns
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children
. Some human beings
belive
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believe
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that it has rejection to young generation other
belive
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believe
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that it get
posotive
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positive
impact for them. In
this
essay
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essay,
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i
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I
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will introduce both views and my own opinion. On the one hand ,
it is clear that
excessively watching TV can
negetivly
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negatively
affect
for
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apply
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human health.
For example
,
childern
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children
can get some problems with
eyes
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their eyes
show examples
.
Submitted by zhanabayev.z on

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task response
Expand your essay to fully cover both views and your own opinion. Your essay lacks depth and examples to fully argue your point. A more developed essay would better meet the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Improve sentence structure and use a wider range of cohesive devices. Use linking words effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs. Consider revisiting grammar and punctuation rules to enhance clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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