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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that the increase in the number of obese people should be the responsibility of the government, while others think it should be the responsibility of individuals. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #responsibility #government #individuals
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The number of obese individuals is increasing rapidly each year.
While
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 some believe that authorities should be held accountable for the rise in obesity rates, others argue that every person is to blame for
this
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 phenomenon. In
this
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 essay, I will analyze both arguments and will provide my opinion on the matter. Governments affect the rising obesity rate by allowing unhealthy food companies to advertise their products on television and social media platforms. To have a greater impact on the audience, these companies frequently hire renowned personalities from the sports industry or Hollywood to promote their products.
Consequently
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, these strategies motivate consumers who admire their idols to purchase goods despite their harmful effects on well-being. Ultimately, these dietary practices may result in excess weight.
Although
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 governments play a role, it is
also
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 the responsibility of individuals to maintain their health and avoid becoming obese. Many people currently choose to eat out because preparing food at home can be time-consuming. To give an example, the entire cooking process, including meal planning, grocery shopping, chopping ingredients, cooking, setting the table, eating, and cleaning up, can take about two hours.
This
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 is true even for a simple meal.
As a result
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, some would prefer eating outside rather than preparing home-cooked meals.
Furthermore
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, restaurants serve larger portions of calorie-dense food, which can contribute to weight gain. In conclusion, for the rise in the obesity population, even though state officials have some responsibility for permitting the promotion of unhealthy foods, I believe individuals are more at fault for choosing an easy way out by eating outside
instead
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 of cooking at home.
Therefore
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, they need to step up and take some positive steps to overcome
this
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 predicament.
Submitted by turanavdeep on

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task achievement
Ensure a more balanced discussion by providing similar depth and length in arguing both perspectives. The current essay slightly favors the argument regarding individual responsibility over government responsibility.
coherence cohesion
Include a concluding statement that reinforces your opinion, directly linking back to the points discussed in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and accurately presents the topic and both viewpoints, setting the stage for the discussion.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the arguments, such as the impact of advertisements and the challenges of cooking at home.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the discussion effectively while presenting a clear personal opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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