IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people prefer to be self-employed, whereas other like working for companies or institution. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both approaches which do you think is a better approach.

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These days, with the tight competition in the labour market, an increasing number of individuals prefer to run their own businesses
instead
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 of working for someone. Some believe in the tremendous benefits of
this
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 trend,
whereas
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 others oppose
this
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 viewpoint.
This
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 essay will explore both opinions
,
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apply
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 and provide my own in the conclusion. On the one hand, possessing your own company holds some advantages connected to independence and flexibility. Businessmen have the ability to organise the routine suitable for them and others
along with
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 promoting more creative and innovative ideas.
For example
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, many freelance photographers prefer to work during
night time
Correct your spelling
nighttime
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 as it is quieter and easier to stay focused.
Furthermore
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, flexible working hours offer a great opportunity to spend more time with your family, so that parents can play with their kids in the afternoon postponing their jobs until evening.
As a result
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, it is more comfortable to be self-employed as people create their own schedules
according to
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 their interests and
mood
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moods
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.
On the other hand
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, being employed in a big company provides a sense of security and stability.
Unfortunately
Add a comma
Unfortunately,
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 bankruptcy is a common phenomenon in the modern world among entrepreneurs, especially young ones, when they are unable to face financial issues, which is never the case with those who work for someone.
For instance
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, it is essential to sign a contract with a big corporate organisation which provides policies and obligations that cannot be broken.
As a result
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, following a structured environment an employee develops confidence feeling more comfortable as they are aware of the rules. In conclusion, even though self-employed individuals can manage their time more effectively, I truly believe that working for a company provides more protection in terms of long-term employment and money.

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Task Achievement
Introduce your main points more clearly in the introduction. This helps in guiding the reader through your essay more efficiently.
Task Achievement
Keep working on developing your ideas. You’ve done well with providing examples, but try to delve deeper into analysis for a more persuasive argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use transitional phrases to ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This enhances the overall flow of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Review and vary your sentence structures for enhanced readability and to keep your reader engaged throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Flexibility
  • Pursue
  • Fluctuate
  • Entrepreneurial
  • Hierarchical
  • Monotonous
  • Collaborative
  • Structured environments
  • Career progression
  • Professional growth
  • Job satisfaction
  • Financial risks
  • Self-discipline
  • Time management
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