IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

2.Please outline your plans to engage with local and international communities during IISMA program using clear examples!

#outline #plans #communities #iisma #program
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I
plan
 to become the bridge for
Indonesian
youth
 and International
exposure
. In 2023, I actively attended International agendas
such
 as ASEAN+
Youth
 Summit 2023, MIKTA
Youth
 Initiatives 2023, and Padjajaran International MUN.
As a result
, I can connect and collaborate with so many people in different fields to empower
youth
 as a speaker through the
program
 I initiated. In the same way, I realized the importance of emphasizing cross-cultural understanding for both parties and contributing simultaneously. I have looked at the University of Pennsylvania student clubs, where I
plan
 to participate.
First,
in my pre-departure phase, I will extend my research regarding the customs related to the University of Pennsylvania and the student life there to minimize the possible culture shock.
Secondly
, I
plan
 to join The Social Impact Consulting Group (SIC) as the club’s objective is to give a pro bono consultation to develop an understanding of social responsibility
while
 proceeding with a personal and professional career.
This
 aligns with my current activity: Providing a consultation for students in my faculty who want to pursue their journey. Not only that, I aim to contribute to expanding Indonesia’s
exposure
 by participating in Penncasila. It will be an
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
 for me to be able to assist Penncasila with my experience in developing and managing a
program
. The University of Pennsylvania is a perfect place to achieve my goal of bridging
Indonesian
youth
 and International
exposure
. Talking about the goals, if I receive an IISMA scholarship, I will ensure the knowledge and everything I’ve learned will benefit others as well. My
last
plan
 is not to stop contributing to Indonesia
while
 studying abroad. I
plan
 to initiate a grass-roots
program
 where
Indonesian
youth
 and International professionals/
youth
 collaborate and demonstrate value-added partnership.
This
plan
 will allow me to engage with local and international communities and contribute to Indonesia at the same time. I am confident that
this
program
 will enable us to be one step closer to expanding our partnership and collaboration with the international field, exposing
Indonesian
youth
 to international
exposure
, and gaining a growth mindset.
Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on

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task achievement
Adequately address the topic and task, presenting a relevant position although the details may need further elaboration. To improve, ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to your central thesis, and expand upon your ideas with more nuanced explanation.
coherence cohesion
Organize ideas logically, using a range of cohesive devices effectively; yet, there could be more explicit logical connectors to make relationships between ideas clearer. Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance flow and clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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