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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some people believe that separating boys and girls in different
schools
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 is better
while
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 others think that mixed-
gender
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schools
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 are more beneficial to educate them.
Although
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students
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 can be more
focus
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focused
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 on their
studies
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 in one-
gender
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schools
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, I believe it is more beneficial for children to attend mixed
schools
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 because mixed
schools
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 allow them to socialise better. On the one hand, by being in separate
schools
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,
students
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 can spend more time on their
studies
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. It is common for
students
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, especially in middle and high school, to be easily attracted to the opposite
gender
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due to
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 their age development.
That is
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 to say, attending separate
schools
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 will prevent them from getting distracted by the opposite
gender
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 and allow them to spend more time on their
studies
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.
For example
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, an all-boys school in Indonesia, Kanisius, is often regarded as one of the best
schools
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 in the country
due to
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 the academic performance of its
students
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.
However
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, there are many distractions that could distract
students
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besides
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 the opposite
gender
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, so preventing them from seeing the opposite
gender
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 in
schools
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 only eliminates one of the distractions.
On the other hand
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, mixed
schools
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 will expose their
students
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 to real-life social situations. Most social situations require individuals to interact with both male and female.
Therefore
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, mixed
schools
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 can recreate those social situations in their
students
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' daily interactions.
Moreover
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, through those interactions,
students
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 can learn to deal with the opposite sex
accordingly
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.
For instance
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, many boys who graduated high school treat their girls with more courtesy.
For
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this
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 reason, I believe it is better for children to attend mixed
schools
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.
To conclude
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, even though educating children in separate
schools
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 can help them to be more
focus
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focused
show examples
 on their
studies
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, I believe mixed
schools
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 are better because they will teach
students
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 to be more social.

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coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally coherent and cohesive, ensuring each argument is equally developed would strengthen the piece. Consider expanding on the point regarding social skills development in mixed schools to balance the discussion.
task achievement
The task response is solid, with clear viewpoints on both sides. One way to improve is to add more depth to the examples provided, ensuring they are directly relevant to the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly stating the writer's stance and summarizing the key points effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion, presenting arguments for both separate and mixed schools before taking a clear position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • co-education
  • gender segregation
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • discrimination
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • diversity
What to do next:
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