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Band 6.5

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #boys #girls #schools #benefit
Some people believe that separating boys and girls in different
schools
 is better
while
 others think that mixed-
gender
schools
 are more beneficial to educate them.
Although
students
 can be more
focus
Replace the word
focused
show examples
 on their
studies
 in one-
gender
schools
, I believe it is more beneficial for children to attend mixed
schools
 because mixed
schools
 allow them to socialise better. On the one hand, by being in separate
schools
,
students
 can spend more time on their
studies
. It is common for
students
, especially in middle and high school, to be easily attracted to the opposite
gender
due to
 their age development.
That is
 to say, attending separate
schools
 will prevent them from getting distracted by the opposite
gender
 and allow them to spend more time on their
studies
.
For example
, an all-boys school in Indonesia, Kanisius, is often regarded as one of the best
schools
 in the country
due to
 the academic performance of its
students
.
However
, there are many distractions that could distract
students
besides
 the opposite
gender
, so preventing them from seeing the opposite
gender
 in
schools
 only eliminates one of the distractions.
On the other hand
, mixed
schools
 will expose their
students
 to real-life social situations. Most social situations require individuals to interact with both male and female.
Therefore
, mixed
schools
 can recreate those social situations in their
students
' daily interactions.
Moreover
, through those interactions,
students
 can learn to deal with the opposite sex
accordingly
.
For instance
, many boys who graduated high school treat their girls with more courtesy.
For
this
 reason, I believe it is better for children to attend mixed
schools
.
To conclude
, even though educating children in separate
schools
 can help them to be more
focus
Replace the word
focused
show examples
 on their
studies
, I believe mixed
schools
 are better because they will teach
students
 to be more social.
Submitted by aribawadzaki on

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coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally coherent and cohesive, ensuring each argument is equally developed would strengthen the piece. Consider expanding on the point regarding social skills development in mixed schools to balance the discussion.
task achievement
The task response is solid, with clear viewpoints on both sides. One way to improve is to add more depth to the examples provided, ensuring they are directly relevant to the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly stating the writer's stance and summarizing the key points effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion, presenting arguments for both separate and mixed schools before taking a clear position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • co-education
  • gender segregation
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • discrimination
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • diversity
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