IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today more and more people are using mobile phone and computer. Thus, the communication ability is losing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 are becoming popular nowadays.
While
Linking Words
 it is believed that these electronic devices make
people
Use synonyms
 lose their
communication
Use synonyms
 skills, I disagree with
this
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 belief
due to
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 two main reasons.
To begin
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 with, mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 are becoming more advanced and versatile,
thus
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 enabling
people
Use synonyms
 to utilize them for multiple purposes, one of which is for
communication
Use synonyms
. Many technology companies are supporting the development of applications for
communication
Use synonyms
,
such
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 as social media and social messenger.
As a result
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,
people
Use synonyms
 are still able to maintain their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 and
communication
Use synonyms
 ability with their relatives through mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 or
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
. To illustrate, Instagram as one of the largest social applications in the world allows
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 users to engage with
community
Add an article
the community
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 through direct
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
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, story
reply
Replace the word
replies
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, and many more.
Furthermore
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, mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
are supporting
Wrong verb form
support
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 long-distance
communication
Use synonyms
. As they can be used at any time and place,
people
Use synonyms
 are able to remotely
connected
Wrong verb form
connect
show examples
 with each other.
This
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 is highly convenient, especially for those who regularly travel or those who have many relatives across countries.
For instance
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, A man lives in Jakarta, but he is working for a company in Singapore. With
mobile
Correct article usage
a mobile
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 and
computer
Use synonyms
, he can utilize them to connect with his Singaporean colleagues, without having to go in person. In conclusion, I believe that mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 do not hinder
people
Use synonyms
's ability to communicate with each other,
instead
Linking Words
 with the advancement of technology,
people
Use synonyms
 are able to communicate through multiple applications that are available
in
Change preposition
on
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 the device and even
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 it remotely.

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion. To improve, ensure that your introduction more directly addresses the question posed by the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical flow and incorporates an introduction and conclusion effectively. To enhance coherence, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next by using linking words or phrases.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents relevant examples to support its main points. For further improvement, strive for variety in sentence structures and vocabulary to make your writing more engaging and to demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Global connections
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Communication skills
  • Digital divide
  • Social networks
  • Virtual communication
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Cognitive empathy
  • Digital literacy
  • Social isolation
  • Cyber communication
  • Non-verbal cues
  • Screen time
  • Digital detox
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