IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Sport is becoming a business. More and more companies are getting involved in sporting events. Do you thing that is a positive or negative development?

#sport #business #companies #events #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays
sport
Use synonyms
 is a new field of business and you can see lots of businesses’ and companies’
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
while
Linking Words
 you are watching matches, I personally think
this
Linking Words
 development has both upward and downward side effects. On the one hand, to consider
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 points of
this
Linking Words
 involving, there are several ways for a company to cooperate with a
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 club, the first major help is to be the sponsor of the
team
Use synonyms
,
as a result
Linking Words
, a great amount of
money
Use synonyms
 is contributed to the club which can improve facilities and provide new equipment for them,
moreover
Linking Words
, either the brand or the name of that company will be printed on athletes’ clothes. Through
this
Linking Words
 cooperation both sides are able to gain many advantages,
for instance
Linking Words
, printed clothes or billboards in the stadium are perfect for new businesses to advertise the brand or their products,
as well as
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 managers might be able to enhance their facilities and attract more
sport
Use synonyms
 people to the
team
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that the downwards of interacting
companies
Change preposition
with companies
show examples
 with sports and investing
money
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 competition
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 might be less than the advantages,
however
Linking Words
, some veterans firmly disagree with involving
this
Linking Words
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
Add an article
the sport
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
, they have mentioned these days,
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 events and tournaments are like an industry,
therefore
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 just matters for players and coaches, unlike the past, players had not been given reasonable salary but they had performed their best.
Hence
Linking Words
, the only negative point of interacting businesses with
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 might be individuals do not pay attention
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
team
Use synonyms
 and the fans and the
money
Use synonyms
 is the most important thing. In conclusion, I take
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 view that if a company is the sponsor of a
team
Use synonyms
, it will be a huge financial assistance to the club, meanwhile, has some bad side effects
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just focusing on the
money
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Pbaharlou70 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Effectively address all parts of the task by discussing both positive and negative aspects of the involvement of businesses in sports, however, aim to integrate more specific and varied examples to bolster your arguments.
coherence & cohesion
Your essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout, which facilitates easy readability. Enhance this by using a wider range of linking words and phrases for smoother transitions between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: