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Writing Samples
Band 5

online shopping seems to be replacing the traditional method of buying. however some buyers are sceptical to this practice. discuss both benefits and risks associated with online shopping

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Online shopping is getting a wider acceptance among people in the contemporary
socoiey
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society
.In a most
hehtic
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hectic
 busy life online shopping is a complete boom for some people.
But
Correct word choice
However
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 opponents of
this
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 practice argue that it is an absolute waste of
time
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.
However
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,in
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will examine some benefits and a variety of risks associated with
the
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apply
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online shopping. On the
one
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 hand,the proponents argue that it is a super
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time saving
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time-saving
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 method as
one
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 can shop from
sitting
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apply
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any corner of the world
going
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by going
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 to their websites with the help of
internet
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the internet
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.Being in front of the laptop
one
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 can choose their favourite
product
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 from the million varieties and options.
For example
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 ,a laptop or a mobile can be purchased from
the
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a
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wast
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vast
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 variety of brands and price ranges.
secondly
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 the benefit of
cost effectiveness
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cost-effectiveness
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.
The online
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Online
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 shopping lovers put forward the idea that it is absolutely
cost effective
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cost-effective
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.Rather
spending
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than spending
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time
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on
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apply
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travelling to the shop,and roaming around various
shop
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shops
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 for
one
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 item ,you can buy everything under an umbrella
cheap
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cheaply
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.Which makes shopping a pleasurable experience.
On the other hand
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,the opponents of online shopping
argues
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argue
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 that
,
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apply
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it is a waste of
time
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 if
one
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 is not getting the right
product
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.In the I store purchases
one
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 can see and feel the
product
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 and check the workability which excludes the after purchase depression.
For
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example
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example,
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 when
one
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 buys a hairdryer,they can test it before
bring
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bringing
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 it home
leaves
Wrong verb form
leaving
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 the customer with higher satisfaction.
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Furthermore
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Furthermore,
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 there are a significant number
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of scam
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scam
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scams
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 hidden under many distance shopping.
Eventhough
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Even though
they display mesmerising
product
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 photos and displays ,the quality would be basic and
inturn
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in turn
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 people are not getting what they want.
Thus
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 many buyers might had to undergo
custome
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customer
 syndrome after many fraudulent shopping experiences. In conclusion,I would say that online shopping is extremely effective in
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time saving
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time-saving
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 and
cost effectiveness
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cost-effectiveness
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,at the same it has
the
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apply
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inherent dangers like Samos and not buying the right
product
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.
Hence
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 it is always advisable to strike a balance between these two,in order for a better shopping experience.
Afterall
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After all
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one
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to be wise enough before making any purchase decisions.

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Task Achievement
Be clear and concise in your introduction. Make sure it sets the stage for the discussion without being overly wordy or vague. Try using straightforward sentences to introduce your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. Transition words and phrases like 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' and 'Consequently' can help make the progression of your ideas more logical and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Be more attentive to the accuracy of your spelling and grammar. Mistakes can distract from your message and reduce the overall clarity of your essay. Consider using tools or resources to check your writing before submission.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support your points wherever possible. This adds credibility to your arguments and makes them more convincing to the reader. Be sure they directly relate to the point you're making.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more effectively. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, introduced by a topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence where appropriate.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unparalleled convenience
  • vast selection
  • digital platforms
  • comparison shopping
  • impulsive buying
  • aggressive marketing tactics
  • risk of fraud
  • counterfeit goods
  • compromised personal data
  • immediate satisfaction
  • physical examination
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