IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Describe one or two leadership, community and/or learning & development activities that you have engaged in.

#two #leadership #community #development #activities
I have taken a responsible role in organizing
school
 events, which is actually one of the most demanding tasks in managing
school
 work. Even though planning
school
 events requires diverse skills from communication to management abilities as they often include multiple and complicated tasks, I am competent to make them successful as I carefully manage each task so it follows in the right direction.
For example
, when it came to holding a cultural festival, I had
a
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frequent contact with the public health
center
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centre
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 to negotiate the kind of food that
students
 were allowed to sell and to gain their approval. I
also
 had thorough plans for emergent situations
such
 as determining places for
students
 to sell food and for guests to eat in case of
a
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bad weather and assigning different roles to teachers to increase the supervision of
students
as well as
 to prevent the potential intrusion of strangers to
school
.
Thus
, I try to tackle various possible problems as I prepare as much as I can in advance to ensure the safety of
students
 and boost their satisfaction.
Additionally
, I hold several meetings to share all necessary information with other teachers, consider different ideas from them, and obtain their consensus so I can make a fairer decision and other teachers can work more smoothly with
a
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full responsibility
to
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for
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 their own roles.
As a result
, as many as 92% of
students
 and
staffs
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staff
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 rated the event positively, saying that they were having an exciting and valuable time with no confusion and accidents.
Submitted by mizuho on

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introduction
To improve the introduction, consider offering a short summary of what the essay will discuss, creating a clearer roadmap for the reader.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, guiding the reader through the narrative with clear linking words and phrases.
conclusion
Conclude the essay with a brief, summarizing sentence that encapsulates the overall achievement or value of your leadership role.
relevant specific examples
The essay uses specific and relevant examples, such as negotiating with the public health center and planning for bad weather, to thoroughly support the main points discussed.
complete response
The narrative provides a clear response to the task, showcasing your management and leadership skills through concrete actions and resulting outcomes, such as high satisfaction rates.
logical structure
The logical structure of the ideas, such as planning and implementation, is well organized, offering a coherent description of the activities undertaken.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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