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Band 7

The values that we learn from our parents and family have greater influence on our future success than knowledge and skills we learn at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The
last
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 few decades have seen heated discussions about who has a substantial influence on young people. Personally, I am inclined that
parents
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 and family play a paramount role in their children’s lives.
Nevertheless
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, I would argue that school enhances interpersonal
skills
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 and social communication. On the one hand, I think that nobody can deny that
parents
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 have an influence on their youth.
First,
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parents
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 are role models for their children. They are the first tutors and teachers in children’s lives.
In other words
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, the youngest monitors and observes the attitudes and reactions of their
parents
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 in any situation. After that, children try to imitate these behaviours, and they use the same words and the same speech avenue.
In addition
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, the
parents
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 determine several ground rules and moral characters that their child should acquire and bring up on it . To illustrate, young people acquire distinctive characters through the time that
parents
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 spend with them by playing games, sports, and doing activities.
Thus
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, young people will try to be disciplined and follow these rules that their
parents
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 foster by giving them privileges and gifts.
On the other hand
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, I claim school plays a major role in enhancing interpersonal
skills
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. Primarily, it contributes to improving self-confidence, evolving communication
skills
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, and boosting competitive spirit between peers and discipline.
For instance
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, there are several activities inside and outside the classroom.
For example
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, a teacher teaches pupils how to express their ideas and opinions through conversation about interesting topics.
Also
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, the teacher has a high qualification in
student’
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student
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 discipline by putting any pupil who has misbehaviour in a naughty corner. In conclusion, I believe
parents
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 and school are crucial for children.
However
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, I would point out that education, values, and
skills
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 are pyramids that are constructed by a variety of experiences, practical experimentation, and
parents
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' ethics.
Parents
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 and schools must ensure steps are taken to enhance moral issues.

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task achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure you address the essay question directly and provide a more explicit stance in your introduction. This will make your position clearer from the beginning. Consider using more explicit examples to underpin your arguments throughout the essay; real-life examples or studies can add depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, focus on enhancing the transitions between paragraphs and ideas for smoother reading. Try using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more naturally. While your essay has a logical structure, clearer transitions will make your argument more compelling.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • future success
  • family values
  • knowledge and skills
  • shape
  • beliefs
  • behavior
  • emotional support
  • encouragement
  • academic education
  • discipline
  • time management
  • contribute to
  • extent
  • agree
  • disagree
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