IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

#people #behavior #sportsmen #field #players
A number of individuals assert that good
as well as
 experienced sportsperson's behaviour does not matter as they are off the field and living
along with
 the public.I utterly disagree,the way of treating any sportsmen should matter whether they are playing in the playground or living in their personal lives as there are numerous causes,
such
 as public influencers, sources of income and national representatives. There are a number of reasons why behaviour matters whether a person is a good player or not that sportspeople are copied by their followers and youngsters follow their footsteps to complete their dreams.If sportsmen do not show their good manners personalities in the front of public.Obviously,it is not beneficial for their career
growth
 and
also
 can not earn handsome money because of a decrease in their fan following on their social media platforms.
For example
,Virat Kohali,is a well-reputed player all over the world,if he shows merely good ethics in the playground.
Then
,he did not achieve what he wanted in his life.He always behaves and treats with public in a polite
as well as
 mannerable way,which is a positive factor for his career
growth
.
Hence
,he has a million fan following on Instagram and has
also
 expanded his business through public support.
Moreover
,the country is
also
 represented by famous sportsmen.If they behave with ethics
while
 going to other countries.
Then
,it is good for the country's
growth
 and tourism can be promoted.Players always behave with others as they want to increase the list of supportive people .
Hence
,during their hard time,they are always with them and motivate them
while
 supporting them ,which not only increases the confidence level of any athlete but
also
 provides energy to reach their destination
To conclude
,
although
 showing good behaviour in the playground is mandatory for all levels of sportspersons for their career
growth
,the outfield way of treating others
also
 matters for famous players to maintain their followers
as well as
 their other's business.
Submitted by kamalkaur.er on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammatical Precision
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to make your writing clearer and more fluent. Review common grammatical errors and practice writing complex sentences correctly.
Supporting Details
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will help to make your arguments stronger and more convincing. Including relevant data or real-life situations can enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
Clarity and Focus
Maintain consistency in addressing the topic throughout the essay. Be clear about whether the focus is on individual behavior or societal impact and keep this consistent throughout the essay to avoid any confusion.
Clear Standpoint
Your essay presents a clear standpoint on the topic and provides relevant reasons and examples to support your position.
Structured Layout
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Comprehensive Perspective
Your essay successfully addresses the question and offers a well-rounded perspective, covering different aspects of the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • media-driven
  • publicized
  • public opinion
  • societal norms
  • brand representation
  • sponsors
  • inappropriate behavior
  • team dynamics
  • morale
  • personal accountability
  • public image
  • career and legacy
  • off-field behavior
What to do next:
Look at other essays: