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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The only way to improve road safety is to have stricter punishments for driving offenders. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

#road #safety #punishments #offenders
Nowadays, many
traffic
 incidents result in multiple fatalities, raising concerns among people about driving on dangerous
roads
.
Therefore
, many people say that the only way to improve highway security is to impose stricter punishments on
drivers
 who break the law.
This
 writer disagreed with
this
 opinion, as I believe that there are other measures that are equally effective in ensuring
road
 safety.
Firstly
, many
certain
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
accidents
 are caused by factors other than
traffic
 offences. To elaborate, poor
road
 conditions are considered a major reason for
road
 casualties.
For Instance
, narrow
roads
 and sharp curves often force even law-abiding
drivers
 to make mistakes.
Therefore
, it should be noted that
drivers
 alone cannot be blamed for
such
 mishaps, and giving them stricter punishments in these cases is no solution. A more effective strategy by the government would be to straighten accident
prone-curves
Correct your spelling
curves
show examples
 and widen narrow
roads
. A larger number of
road
 signs and proper
traffic
 signals can
also
 be effective in reducing
accidents
 on
roads
.
Moreover
, poor climate conditions can be a major cause of
accidents
.
For instance
, poor visibility
due to
 dense mist and rain, and slippery
roads
 on account of snowfall make driving difficult and cause serious
accidents
 in many countries. Stricter punishment for
drivers
 is a futile exercise in handling
such
 problems. Modern technological innovations on cars' wheels or on-
road
 designs should be used to deal with
such
 emergency situations.
On the other hand
, reckless driving, speeding, and breaches of
traffic
 rules by careless
drivers
 have caused many
accidents
.
Moreover
, drunken and drowsy driving has
also
 resulted in serious
traffic
 mishaps.
While
 more stringent punishment for
drivers
 would be an effective measure to an extent, it should not be considered the only way towards
road
 safety. In conclusion, there are certain situations where
drivers
 are not responsible for a particular accident, so apart from punishing
drivers
 with heavier penalties other effective measures should
also
 be taken.
Submitted by  11E4 Community on

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task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, but you could enhance it by directly stating your main argument alongside your disagreement. This will make your position clear from the outset.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure consistency in the perspective you are writing from ('This writer disagrees...' vs. 'I believe...'). Choose one perspective and maintain it throughout your essay for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
To further strengthen the coherence and cohesion of your essay, try to ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs. Using phrases like 'Additionally,' 'Furthermore,' or 'Conversely,' at the beginning of new paragraphs can help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
In the conclusion, reiterate your primary argument more forcefully to leave a lasting impact on the reader. While you wrap up your points well, a more direct restatement of your central thesis will enhance the conclusion's effectiveness.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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