IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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There is a statement and doors that
science
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 should be employed to enhance
people
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's lives as its most important duty I strongly disagree with it.
This
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 essay will illustrate why
science
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's focus on other aspects is
similarly
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 mandatory.
To begin
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 with, maybe holding
this
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 view by humans in the past is the reason that nowadays we have been faced with environmental problems
as a result
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 of actions like war and greenhouse gas emissions. As the first home of
people
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 is the earth they are living in without a healthy environment even
people
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's life maintenance can be challenging, let alone
improvement
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. If individuals prioritize their welfare regardless of other effects of their practice on the globe.
For example
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,
however
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, it is easier for individuals to use fossil fuels, but it leads to global warming, which
subsequently
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 will affect their lives and even endanger humans and the environment.
moreover
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, With the assistance of
science
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, we can accelerate general awareness of societies, which not only is beneficial, but
also
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 it’s crucial for our progress. Social awareness can help to deter wars and
also
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 can help to reduce discriminations which
consequently
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 improve
people
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's lives.
for instance
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, if
people
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 force governments to stop wars
subsequently
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 more
people
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 have the opportunity to live in peace.
Furthermore
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, equality among societies provides substructures for a reduction in crimes, which all are accounted As
improvement
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 in life.
to sum up
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, I’m totally against using
science
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 with the aim of
people
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's life
improvement
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 as its priority, regardless of the potential consequences that
this
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 self-centred approach may foster. I advocate for employing knowledge in different aspects equally, including social awareness, enhancement, and environmental practices that offer lasting
improvement
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 in human well-being.

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coherence cohesion
Focus on clearer and more coherent structure to better convey your main arguments. Improve transitions between paragraphs for smoother reading.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and detailed examples to strengthen your arguments, and ensure each main point is thoroughly developed.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and lexical resource to avoid minor errors and awkward phrasing.
task achievement
Good attempt at covering different aspects of the topic, highlighting the importance of environmental issues, social awareness, and equality.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion help frame your argument and provide a solid structure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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