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In many countries, there are a lot of students who commit suicide each year. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions?

#countries #students #suicide #year
A lot of research and data have mentioned the rise in
suicide
 rates each year among
students
 worldwide is increasing. I believe that
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 every problem, there must be a solution. The first reason why the numbers keep on shooting upward is because parents and schools tend to put a lot of academic pressure
to
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on
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students
. As generation passes, the academic burden gets heavier,
for instance
, more
students
 are forced to find scholarships outside the country.
Secondly
, the advancement of technology
also
 holds a role in the increasing numbers.
This
 is because cases of cyberbullying have increased linearly, which results in to decrease in mental health, leading to an increase
of
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in
show examples
suicide
 among
students
.
Therefore
 2 solutions that can be offered are as follows.
First, 
non-academic subjects
such
 as physical education and art should remain in the curriculum. Not only does it serve as a mood-maker for the
students
, but by doing a hobby, it will improve their health both, physically and mentally.
Second,
suicide
 hotlines should be available in every country as it serves as a prevention. Research shows that not all country has a hotline for
suicide
, including Indonesia.
This
 is a great solution
ss
Correct your spelling
as
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 doctors always say, it is better to prevent than to cure. In conclusion,
with
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apply
show examples
the advancement of technology and the increased academic burden
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
students
, have caused an increase in
suicide
 numbers globally.
However
, it is not too late to act, with several solutions in mind, including preventive measures and the addition of a non-academic curriculum.
Submitted by tiana29.alisjahbana on

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Task Response
Ensure your essay addresses all parts of the task. While you have identified reasons and solutions, further development and some elaboration on each point could strengthen your argument.
Task Response
Integrate more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Doing so will not only strengthen your arguments but also show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your ideas. Use transition words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and succinct, summarizing your main arguments effectively. While your essay has these components, refining them will add clarity and impact.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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