MANY PEOPLE THINK THAT MUSEUMS AND GALLERIES SHOULD ONLY SHOW WORK FROM LOCAL ARTISTS RATHER THAN WORK FROM OTHER COUNTRIES. DO YOU AGREE?

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Art is an essential part of every
country
in the world. Some people believe that
museums
and
galleries
should only showcase the
works
of local
artists
instead
of foreign
artists
. In my opinion, I completely believe in
this
notion.
To begin
with, the heritage and culture of a
country
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
be seen through artworks.
Galleries
and
museums
are a good platform to showcase
this
. If the government will only allow the
works
of local
artists
in
museums
and
galleries
, they will be able to promote and show the unique culture, traditions, and identity of the nation.
Moreover
, there is a high chance for local
artists
to establish themselves within the community. Supporting their
works
would
also
give them a chance to be recognized worldwide.
Thus
, displaying their
works
in
galleries
in
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
would greatly help local
artists
.
In addition
to that,
this
could
also
boost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism in the
country
.
For example
, a lot of people from overseas travel in order for them to see the incredible
works
of Picasso.
Thus
, showcasing the
works
of local
artists
could gain
such
popularity,
hence
increasing the tourism and economic growth of the
country
.
Lastly
, interest in art nowadays is undeniably decreasing.
To have
Change the verb form
Having
show examples
this
kind of support could motivate local
artists
and emerging talents to continue their work, which helps in preserving the culture. In conclusion, though there are drawbacks associated with supporting only local
artists
in
galleries
and
museums
, we have to consider that its advantages could benefit local
artists
and the
country
in the long run.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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Language Use
To enhance your score further, try expanding the range of your lexical resource by incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures. This will make your argument more compelling and engaging.
Structure
For coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with clear, logical transitions. Consider adding or emphasizing linking phrases to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Argument
Regarding task achievement, while you've provided a clear position and supported it with relevant examples, striving for deeper analysis and including counter-arguments could enrich your essay. Addressing opposing views and refuting them strengthens your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural Heritage
  • Regional Culture
  • Economic Benefits
  • Local Talent
  • Authentic Local Art
  • Diverse Perspectives
  • Mutual Understanding
  • Balanced Approach
  • Cultural Exchange
  • Artistic Styles
  • Innovations
  • Global Reputation
  • Exhibitions
  • Preservation
  • Promotion
  • Unique Aspects
  • Educational Experience
  • Mutual Understanding
  • Tolerance
  • Stimulating the Economy
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