IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is believed that individuals who engage in reading books can cultivate greater imagination and linguistic abilities than those who prefer television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#individuals #books #imagination #abilities #television
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Reading
books
 is a good habit. Some
people
 believe that it enhances our imagination and improves our language,
while
 others believe that watching television is more convenient and accessible. In my opinion, I agree that reading is a great source of knowledge and it could
also
 help reduce stress.
To begin
 with, some might prefer to watch TV as it requires minimal effort and can be enjoyed in different settings,
however
, it does not stimulate the brain. Most shows
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
show examples
 sex and violence, and
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 child-friendly. There is a high chance that children will imitate
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
show examples
 of behavior especially if they watch it without supervision.
This
 only proves that television was made to entertain not to educate.
On the other hand
, reading improves one's cognitive function. It encourages
people
 to use their imagination to create mental images of the characters, settings and events.
For instance
, the reader
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to imagine an elephant
that is
 flying. There is no
such
 thing in real life,
thus
 imagination is needed to come up with it.
Moreover
, it
also
 improves the language ability of a person. Most authors tend to use complex words when writing.
This
 is very beneficial , especially for non-native English speakers. Readers have to check the dictionary in order to understand the meaning of the words they encounter.
Thus
,
this
 widens their vocabulary.
In addition
 to that, reading
also
 helps reduce stress and promotes relaxation. There are
books
 which were written by psychologists or doctors which
people
 could use to help relieve anxiety. Those
people
 who cannot afford therapists could read them in order to help them cope with life's challenges.
Hence
, reading
books
 offers significant benefits to everyone. In conclusion, reading
books
 not only
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
people
 with continuous learning and social well-being, It gives us a new perspective and a deeper understanding of things.
Thus
, I believe that we should encourage more
people
 to read
books
.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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Task Achievement
Develop a more nuanced thesis statement that clearly outlines your position and the main arguments you will discuss. Instead of simply stating your agreement, explore the complexities of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by organizing paragraphs around clear, distinct ideas. Make sure each paragraph progresses logically from the one before it, contributing to a cohesive overall argument.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points. Instead of broad statements, offer concrete instances that illustrate how reading can foster imagination and improve language skills.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position in a clear, compelling way. Your conclusion should reflect on the significance of the arguments presented and offer a final, thoughtful insight on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultivate
  • imagination
  • linguistic abilities
  • visual learners
  • auditory stimuli
  • critical thinking
  • complex sentence structures
  • information accessibility
  • pace of content consumption
  • diverse learning styles
  • interactive
  • educational programs
  • encompassing
  • envision
  • reflection
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