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Band 4.5

Some people think that it is better to other countries for greater work and life opportunities. Others argue that it is best to stay in their home country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #countries #work #life #opportunities #home #country
In
Change preposition
At
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 all times
people
was
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were
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 wearing a
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
 to show their
proffesion
Correct your spelling
profession
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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i
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I
show examples
 want to describe
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of
this
 tradition. The first advantage of wearing a
uniform
 is
people
's feelings, because when they see a human who looks
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
, their minds feel him like
close
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a close
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 friend or even
relative
Correct article usage
a relative
show examples
, that's why the staff of the
company
 or the organization becomes more friendly. The second advantage is time, because when they have a
uniform
 they haven'
t
 to think about what they should
wearing
Wrong verb form
wear
show examples
 today and
also
 they don'
t
take
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 attention
on
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to
show examples
 their
colleges
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college
show examples
 outfits and they
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 immersion in their job. The third advantage is
staff's
Correct article usage
the staff's
show examples
 attitude about their job, because when they wear a
uniform
 they feel part of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
company
 themselves, and they want to make
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
company
 more
Correct your spelling
successful
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 and try
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
 harder than usual and they start to like their job The disadvantage of
that is
people
's creativity can'
t
 show itself, because wearing clothes for many
people
 is like art and it can be a reason
of
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for
show examples
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 mood or even depression. The second disadvantage of wearing a
uniform
 is
worker's
Fix the agreement mistake
workers'
show examples
 opinion, because sometimes they don'
t
 like how
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
uniform
 looks and organizations must
to
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apply
show examples
ask
opinion
Add an article
the opinion
show examples
 of their staff before they will create a design
of
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apply
show examples
uniform
Add an article
the uniform
show examples
.
Otherwhise
Correct your spelling
Otherwise
 their productivity can become lower or they can go away.
at
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 want to say that
uniform
Correct article usage
a uniform
show examples
 is great and can help
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 to
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 more success and it has more positive sides but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would like to create a one day a week when
people
 can wear what they want to develop their creativity and give it to show itself.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
The essay did not address the specific IELTS topic given, instead discussing the pros and cons of wearing a uniform. To improve, ensure your essay directly responds to the prompt given. Focus on understanding and responding to the two views presented in the prompt, along with providing your own opinion on the matter.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your thoughts in a more logical and coherent manner. Begin with an introduction that clearly states what the essay will discuss. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, supported by examples or explanations. Ending the essay with a well-summarized conclusion that reiterates your standpoint helps improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Although you provided examples to support your points about uniforms, it's crucial to directly relate them back to the essay topic. Use more specific, detailed examples that closely align with the prompt. This makes your argument stronger and more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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