IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Whether or not someone achieves their aims in life is mostly a question of luck? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#someone #life #luck
at all times people were wearing uniforms to show their
proffession
Correct your spelling
profession
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I want to describe
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of
this
 tradition. The first advantage of wearing a
uniform
 is people's feelings, because when they see a human who looks like them, their minds feel him like a close friend or even a relative,
that's
Correct word choice
and that's
show examples
 why the staff of an organization becomes more friendly. The second advantage is time, because when they have a
uniform
 they haven'
t
 to think about what they should
wearing
Wrong verb form
wear
show examples
 today and
also
 they don'
t
take
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
colleges
Fix the agreement mistake
college
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 outfits and they
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 immersion in their job. The third advantage is
staff's
Correct article usage
the staff's
show examples
 attitude about their job, because when they wear a
uniform
 they feel part of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 company themselves, and they want to make it more
Correct your spelling
successful
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 and try
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
 harder than usual and they start to like their job The disadvantage of
that is
 people's creativity can'
t
 show itself, because wearing clothes for many humans is like art and it can be a reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 bad mood or even depression. The second disadvantage of wearing a
uniform
 is
worker's
Fix the agreement mistake
workers'
show examples
 opinion, because sometimes they don'
t
 like how
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
uniform
 looks and organizations must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
ask
opinion
Add an article
the opinion
show examples
 of their staff before they will create a design
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
uniform
Add an article
the uniform
show examples
.
Otherwhise
Correct your spelling
Otherwise
 their productivity can become lower or they can go away.
at
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 I want to say that
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 great and can help
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 to
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 more success and it has more positive sides, but I would like to create a one day a week when folk can wear what they want to develop their creativity and let it to show itself.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task response
Ensure the essay closely follows the assigned topic. Your essay focused on uniforms in professions rather than discussing whether achieving life's aims is mostly about luck. To improve, keep your writing centered on the given question and fully explore it.
structure
Organize your essay with a clear introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your introduction and conclusion should clearly state your opinion on the topic. Use the body paragraphs to provide supporting arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Use cohesive devices (e.g., linking words, pronouns) to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. Ensure paragraphs are clearly defined and each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
task achievement
Support your points with clear examples or explanations. When discussing advantages or disadvantages, provide specific instances or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your point.
language
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical and spelling mistakes. Also, pay attention to using capital letters at the beginning of sentences and proper nouns.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • aims
  • determination
  • resilience
  • opportunities
  • effort
  • planning
  • unpredictability
  • innovation
  • perseverance
  • perception
  • sustainability
  • adaptation
  • networking
  • initiative
  • random chance
What to do next:
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