IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Dieting can change a person's life for the better or ruin one's health completely. What is your opinion?

#change #person #life #ruin #health
It is true that changing eating habits in order to lose weight might
consequance
Correct your spelling
consequence
consequences
 in one’s
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
.
However
, unreasonable diets can have detrimental effects on people.
Although
 I believe using a plan on food consumption provided by a specialist might improve our condition , I regard exercising as a more prominent factor. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, Avoidant in eating certain types of food in order to maintain a physical
body
 shape or, preventing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some diseases is of high importance.
For example
, consuming
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 amount of fat and sugar can cause obesity.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
show examples
 a person suffering from drastic weight is more likely to get
blood
Correct word choice
high blood
show examples
 pressure, heart strokes, or diabetes. Meanwhile, by appointing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a dietician, we get the order of
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 nutrition that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 necessary for our
body
, yet we can overcome obesity.
On the other hand
, some people depend on limited information either
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media or internet websites and without having the knowledge, stick to a program which might hurt their
body
. In the meantime, losing
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 nutrition they even can not reach their aim
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 losing weight and get disappointed in keeping on to the diet.
For instance
, without digesting low
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of fat we miss out
many
Change preposition
on many
show examples
 vitamins that are vital for the
properly
Change the word
proper
show examples
 functioning of our
body
 meanwhile, some who just surf the net for a program might avoid eating
this
 prominent nutrition. In the meantime, I believe attending
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hyper activities and doing sports can
conclude
Verb problem
result
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 better
body
 condition and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good care for our health. Many athletes age more
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and live a life
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 high quality yet, they hardly ever get illnesses.
However
, not many of these athletes conduct a special diet. To recapitulate , we can both
by gaining
Wrong verb form
gain
show examples
 a special diet from
dietitian
Add an article
a dietitian
show examples
 and
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 sports
maintain
Fix the infinitive
to maintain
show examples
 a good
body
 condition and preserve our healthiness.
Submitted by erfanamouie on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Focus on developing a stronger thesis statement in your introduction that more clearly outlines your opinion and the essay’s structure.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and details to support your main points. This not only strengthens your argument but also demonstrates a range of language ability.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph structure to ensure each has a clear main idea, supported by explanations and examples. This helps in achieving both coherence and task response.
coherence cohesion
Check your essay for spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors, as these can impact the clarity of your ideas and overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Consider using linking words and phrases more effectively to improve the flow of the essay and connect your ideas more clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: