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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year.

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year.
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The table illustrates how unemployed British
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 spent their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 in fourteen different
activities
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 year.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 both genders utilized their spare
time
Use synonyms
 by doing housework, shopping and job hunting in the morning
while
Linking Words
 spending less
time
Use synonyms
 on sports
activities
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 and
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
drinking.
furthermore
Linking Words
, in the morning, the highest proportion of
women
Use synonyms
 did the housework.
last
Linking Words
 year, during the day, 70% of
women
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 were engaged with the house chores
activities
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while
Linking Words
 only 27% of
men
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 did the housework.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, approximately, 26% and 16% of
women
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 preferred shopping and job hunting in the morning
while
Linking Words
 the figure decreased slightly in the afternoon.
however
Linking Words
,
men
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 showed a similar interest, they did the same
activities
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 in the morning rather
the
Correct word choice
than the
show examples
 afternoon.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
men
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 showed greater interest towards gardening, walking and playing sports.
In contrast
Linking Words
, approximately 5% of unemployed
men
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 spent their
time
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 drinking in the daytime
while
Linking Words
 only 2% of
women
Use synonyms
 engaged in
this
Linking Words
 activity.
furthermore
Linking Words
, a zero per cent ratio was recorded for
women
Use synonyms
, who do not stay in bed or play any sports in the afternoon.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore, last, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, time, activities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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