some people believe that students should be made to have unpaid jobs in their free time.Do you agree or disagree?

It is thought that during
this
modern era, recruiters would consider candidates with job
experience
more than fresh graduates without any previous
experience
. Some say that doing unpaid
work
in leisure time is important for
students
. I completely agree that having a job as a student is needed. In my opinion, it is wrong to deny their paycheck after completing
such
a heavy workload.
This
essay will elaborate more on the disagreement with
this
view.
Firstly
, in order to pay for their tuition, the majority of
students
work
during their leisure time.
For example
,
according to
an Indonesian poll, 20% of
students
work
part-time jobs to supplement their income and pay for their education. In the event that the business chooses not to compensate them, it will be equivalent to the corporation using them as free
labour
and forcing them not to pay their tuition.
Secondly
, the majority of
students
work
because they wish to acquire information and practical skills.
Therefore
, it appears appealing to these prospects when organizations offer unpaid internships in exchange for
experience
.
According to
a 2018 Ministry of Manpower report in Singapore, unpaid internships frequently entice candidates and use them as free
labour
.
Additionally
, it is claimed that
students
might learn more effectively by working on something valuable,
such
as projects or attending lectures on topics they are interested in. It follows that some recent high school graduates are drawn to unpaid employment offers that provide
experience
but
also
require free
labour
. In conclusion, I believe that working
while
still studying is important, but it is a must to be paid fairly as they have already given their time and energy to complete the task and workload given by the company. So the company is obligated to pay
students
for their hard
work
instead
of just using them as free
labour
.
Submitted by pocutarifahzahrina on

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Task Achievement
Your essay clearly presents your viewpoint and you provide a strong argument with relevant examples. However, adding more diverse examples and details could further strengthen your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have shown good use of paragraphs, but enhancing transitions between your ideas could boost the essay's flow. Consider using a variety of linking words to show relationships between ideas more clearly.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, you might explore both sides of the argument to provide a more balanced response. This will show your ability to critically analyze and discuss different viewpoints.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Task Achievement
Relevant use of specific examples to support your points, making your argument more convincing.
Task Achievement
Clear and comprehensive presentation of your own views, which fulfills the task requirement of presenting a clear opinion.
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