some people believe that students should be made to have unpaid jobs in their free time.Do you agree or disagree?

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It is thought that during
this
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modern era, recruiters would consider candidates with job
experience
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more than fresh graduates without any previous
experience
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. Some say that doing unpaid
work
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in leisure time is important for
students
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. I completely agree that having a job as a student is needed. In my opinion, it is wrong to deny their paycheck after completing
such
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a heavy workload.
This
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essay will elaborate more on the disagreement with
this
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view.
Firstly
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, in order to pay for their tuition, the majority of
students
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work
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during their leisure time.
For example
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,
according to
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an Indonesian poll, 20% of
students
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work
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part-time jobs to supplement their income and pay for their education. In the event that the business chooses not to compensate them, it will be equivalent to the corporation using them as free
labour
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and forcing them not to pay their tuition.
Secondly
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, the majority of
students
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work
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because they wish to acquire information and practical skills.
Therefore
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, it appears appealing to these prospects when organizations offer unpaid internships in exchange for
experience
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.
According to
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a 2018 Ministry of Manpower report in Singapore, unpaid internships frequently entice candidates and use them as free
labour
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.
Additionally
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, it is claimed that
students
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might learn more effectively by working on something valuable,
such
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as projects or attending lectures on topics they are interested in. It follows that some recent high school graduates are drawn to unpaid employment offers that provide
experience
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but
also
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require free
labour
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. In conclusion, I believe that working
while
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still studying is important, but it is a must to be paid fairly as they have already given their time and energy to complete the task and workload given by the company. So the company is obligated to pay
students
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for their hard
work
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instead
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of just using them as free
labour
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.

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Task Achievement
Your essay clearly presents your viewpoint and you provide a strong argument with relevant examples. However, adding more diverse examples and details could further strengthen your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have shown good use of paragraphs, but enhancing transitions between your ideas could boost the essay's flow. Consider using a variety of linking words to show relationships between ideas more clearly.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, you might explore both sides of the argument to provide a more balanced response. This will show your ability to critically analyze and discuss different viewpoints.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Task Achievement
Relevant use of specific examples to support your points, making your argument more convincing.
Task Achievement
Clear and comprehensive presentation of your own views, which fulfills the task requirement of presenting a clear opinion.
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