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Band 4

In many countries, people now wear Western-style dresses such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development

#countries #people #dresses #suits #jeans #development
Most countries have developed a new fashion for a few decades now. Today people wear suits and jeans coming from different shops, but all the same and really easy to find.
Traditionals
Correct your spelling
Traditional
Replace the word
clothes
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clothings
Replace the word
clothes
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 are mostly used for important
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religious
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religion
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religious
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Fix the agreement mistake
ceremonies
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ceremony
Fix the agreement mistake
ceremonies
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,
Change preposition
apply
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for
Change preposition
apply
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carnaval
Correct your spelling
carnival
 or even
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apply
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
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wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
show examples
. Our generation loves
changement
Correct your spelling
change
. Fashion is something in the short term. We discovered the jeans
hundred
Correct article usage
a hundred
show examples
 years ago , first as a workclothe and now it becomes used as a casual pant.
This
 new trend
make
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makes
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everyone
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
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 more
relax
Change the form of the verb
relaxed
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 than
a traditional clothing
Remove the article
traditional clothing
an article of traditional clothing
an item of traditional clothing
show examples
. I think it is a positive development because
everyone
 is free to wear whatever he likes.That
also
mean
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means
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 a lot of
choice
Change to a plural noun
choices
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 on the market about colors and styles. But
for example
 in Australia, in private
school student
Fix the agreement mistake
schools students
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 must wear the same uniform as
everyone
 ,
this
 is a sort of traditional clothing because it
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 used
since
Change preposition
for
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 ever and it
put
Wrong verb form
puts
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 all the students on the same level.
For
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 the generations made traditional clothes hard to wear. Mostly in
those city
Change the determiner
that city
those cities
show examples
 where
everyone
 judges you. Imagine, going to work with
this
 dress , full of
colors
Change the spelling
colours
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, and your hat with feathers on top. I do not think your coworkers would have
lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of respect for you. In some
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 traditional clothing is still used and I respect that but most of them do not have a lot of technology
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 see how is the rest of the world .
Submitted by Andrea Barreto on

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structure
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Introduce the topic clearly in the introduction, develop ideas in body paragraphs, and summarize or restate your position in the conclusion.
detail
Develop your main points more thoroughly with specific examples and explanations. While you touched on several interesting aspects, deeper analysis and more concrete examples would strengthen your argument.
cohesion
Work on your essay's coherence by using linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly. This will help your essay to flow better and make your arguments easier to follow.
task response
Address all parts of the task more effectively. While you discussed why Western-style dresses are becoming popular and offered your opinion on whether it's a positive development, expanding on these ideas with clearer arguments and examples would improve your task achievement score.
grammar
Review and correct grammatical errors and typos to improve the readability of your essay. Pay attention to sentence structure, verb tense consistency, and proper use of articles.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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