at the present time, the poulation of some countries includes a relatively larg number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, the population of
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
generation
is
more
Correct word choice
larger
show examples
than old
generation
in some countries. It is widely believed that
youger
Correct your spelling
young
people
are helpful in terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
growth
however
, an opposite opinion
also
exist
Correct subject-verb agreement
exists
show examples
.
This
essey
Correct your spelling
essay
will introduce
Correct article usage
the disadvantage
show examples
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of young
people
and
Correct article usage
the advantage
show examples
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
that
ourweigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
our weigh
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
.
To begin
with, young generations tend to have
passion
Add an article
a passion
the passion
show examples
to work
Change preposition
for working
show examples
in their workplace.
Moreover
, they can work more time compared to older
people
due to
their physical properties. Having passion
as well as
good physical
strengh
Correct your spelling
strength
means that
companys
Correct your spelling
companies
may prefer to
hiring
Wrong verb form
hire
show examples
young
people
because they can earn more money than
olders
Correct your spelling
older
in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
salary.
For instance
, many
factorys
Correct your spelling
factories
factors
in
south korea
Correct your spelling
South Korea
show examples
tend to employ
people
who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
just become
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
. They do not need to offer lots of payments to these young
generation
and it gives more profit to employers.
However
,
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older
show examples
generations tend to know many methods, which are gained
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
their long-term experience in
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
, to maximise profit in their company.
Moreover
, their
skills
such
as
comunicating
Correct your spelling
communicating
with
coleague
Correct your spelling
colleague
colleagues
and
negociating
Correct your spelling
negotiating
with other
people
cannot
be obtain
Change the verb form
be obtained
show examples
in
Correct article usage
the short-term
show examples
short-term
Correct your spelling
short term
show examples
.
Therefore
, they not only have these
skills
but use them in
apropriate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
time and place.
For example
,
steve jobs
Correct your spelling
Steve Jobs
show examples
, who is the CEO of
apple
Capitalize word
Apple
show examples
well known
as manufactured
Change preposition
for manufacturing
show examples
Correct article usage
the iphone
show examples
iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhone
phone
,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had fluent speaking
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. He was the most
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
leader among
people
in the world and it was possible
due to
his
skills
. In conclusion,
although
older
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
great
skills
for
maxinmising
Correct your spelling
maximising
maximizing
profit, it is not enough to
ourweigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
our weigh
the advantage of the young
generation
such
as passion
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
their work.
Submitted by benheo5936 on

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Grammar & Spelling
Make sure to carefully proofread your essay to correct spelling errors ('essey' should be 'essay', 'ourweigh' should be 'outweigh', etc.) and improve grammatical accuracy. Frequent spelling and grammar errors can significantly impact the readability and professionalism of your writing.
Logical Structure
Consider organizing your essay more effectively by clearly separating it into paragraphs for introduction, body (2-3 paragraphs), and conclusion. Each body paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by specific examples or evidence, to improve the structural flow and readability.
Introduction & Conclusion
Improve the introduction and conclusion by clearly stating your stance on whether the advantages do outweigh the disadvantages or not. Your conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points made in your essay and firmly restate your viewpoint, enhancing clarity and persuasiveness.
Supported Main Points
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your claims about the benefits and challenges of having a larger younger population. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more informative and compelling.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Work on developing clearer and more comprehensive ideas in your essay. Each paragraph should explore a concept in depth and connect back to the essay's main question. Use transitional phrases to link ideas between paragraphs and ensure smooth progression.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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